About the World’s Most Handsome Horse…
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About the World’s Most Handsome Horse…

August 14, 2019


GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. THIS WOULDN’T BE A LATE NIGHT
MONOLOGUE WITHOUT A DONALD TRUMP STORY, AND, YESTERDAY, A NORTH
KOREAN OFFICIAL TURNED DOWN AN OFFER BY DONALD TRUMP TO VISIT
THE COUNTRY AND MEET WITH KIM JONG UN, SAYING THE OFFER IS
“PROPAGANDA” AND “NONSENSE.” THIS DOESN’T MAKE TRUMP LOOK
GOOD. YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN TROUBLE WHEN
THE LEADER OF NORTH KOREA IS LIKE, “I CAN’T ASSOCIATE MYSELF
WITH THAT GUY.” (LAUGHTER)
TRUMP GOT TURNED DOWN FOR A MEETING WITH KIM JONG UN. SO I GUESS HIS SEARCH FOR A VICE
PRESIDENT ISN’T GOING SO WELL. SERIOUSLY, HOW DO YOU GET DENIED
BY NORTH KOREA? NORTH KOREA MET WITH THIS GUY:
(LAUGHTER) IN SOME LIGHTER NEWS, MEDIA
OUTLETS EVERYWHERE WERE REPORTING ON THIS TODAY– IT HAS
GAINED A LOT OF TRACTION ONLINE, APPARENTLY WE HAVE FOUND THE
WORLD’S “MOST HANDSOME HORSE.” PEOPLE ARE SAYING THIS IS THE
BEST LOOKING HORSE IN THE WORLD. HIS NAME IS FREDERIK AND
HONESTLY GUYS, I’D RATHER BE DOING MORE IMPORTANT NEWS
STORIES. BUT SINCE EVERYONE’S TALKING
ABOUT IT, LET’S GO AHEAD AND CHECK OUT THIS “GREAT-LOOKING”
HORSE. HOW HANDSOME CAN A HORSE BE? OH MY LORD! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
WOW, THAT REALLY IS A GREAT-LOOKING HORSE. HAVE WE GOT ANOTHER PICTURE OF
THAT HORSE? WOW. I CAN’T EXPLAIN IT, BUT THAT
HORSE MAKES ME WANT TO BE A BETTER MAN. THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL HORSE! ISN’T THAT? IT’S TAKING THE WIND OUT OF MY
SAILS! I CAN’T TELL JOKES ABOUT THIS
HORSE AS BEAUTIFUL AS THAT! WHOO! LET’S MOVE ON TO THE NEXT STORY. ANYWAY, A STUDY BY THE PEW
RESEARCH CENTER DETERMINED THAT MORE MILLENNIALS BETWEEN THE
AGES OF 18 AND 34 ARE LIVING WITH THEIR PARENTS THAN AT ANY
OTHER POINT IN HISTORY. MILLENNIALS WERE HAPPY TO TAKE
THE POLL, WHILE THEIR PARENTS WERE PROUD OF THEM FOR FINISHING
THE POLL. HONESTLY, I ACTUALLY THINK
PARENTS ARE THE ONES TO BLAME FOR THIS. IF THEY REALLY WANT THEIR KIDS
TO MOVE OUT, THEY JUST HAVE TO DO ONE THING: CHANGE THE WI-FI
PASSWORD. NOW TO OUR MAIN STORY–
MAIN– THAT MANE– SORRY. CAN WE SEE THAT HORSE ONE MORE
TIME? (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
LOOK AT THAT MANE. COULDN’T YOU JUST LOSE YOURSELF
IN IT? THEY SAY HE’S WILD, BUT I KNOW I
CAN TAME HIM. ANYWAY, SORRY. GET WITH IT. THAT’S NOT ACTUALLY RIGHT. LET’S GET SERIOUS. A SCHOOL BOARD IN NORTH CAROLINA
HAS VOTED TO DO AWAY WITH NAMING CLASS VALEDICTORIANS, STATING
THAT IT FOSTERED AN ENVIRONMENT OF “UNHEALTHY COMPETITION.” SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. THE SAME STATE THAT DOESN’T LET
TRANSGENDER PEOPLE USE BATHROOMS IS WORRIED ABOUT HURTING
SOMEONE’S FEELINGS. IT’S NOT THAT THEY DON’T LIKE
ALL VALEDICTORIANS, NORTH CAROLINA JUST DOESN’T LIKE ANY
BOYS WHO WEAR GOWNS. I MEAN, IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY
SENSE. IF SCHOOLS STOP KEEPING TRACK–
TRACK– RACETRACK– HORSES– (LAUGHTER)
(SEXY MUSIC) (CHEERING)
MAN, THAT’S ONE HORSE I’D LOVE TO RIDE. OH, NOT LIKE THAT! I’M NOT SAYING IT LIKE THAT. I’M SAYING I WANT TO HAVE SEX
WITH IT! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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  1. beautful horse it is a frisian an expensiver breed of horse they are amazing but i love clydesdales shires and perchron

  2. I'm looking at this horse and can't help think ''Ohhh my gawd! WHO does your hair?'' Frederick for the win for shampoo commercials!

  3. I don't understand how they determined the "most handsome horse" because it just looks like a typical Friesian. Friesian's are stunning😍 but I just don't understand why this particular horse is the most beautiful?

  4. James I don't know who's ur wife but I can tell she's definitely more attractive than a horse ……just saying!!!!

  5. But sadly blackness can only be celebrated in an animal but not in a person. Usually white people are celebrated for beauty as usual

  6. Good to know his sexuality is so fluid that he's even into beastiality. I know it was a joke, but I really don't think jokes about that shit are ok it's disgusting

  7. Sadly, the owners of Frederik the Great are going to start touring him.  Almighty dollar is more important, apparently, than his wellbeing.  The stress created by travel and being subjected to 100s of people everyday will certainly shortly this magnificent animal's life.  They don't deserve.

  8. Beyoncé: (flicking her hair) 🎵I woke up like this🎵

    Horse: nah bitch, I WOKE UP LIKE THIS!!!

  9. Anyone else think this horse is just boring? He's literally just a Friesan they all look like that dark horses with long mains. I dunno I'd pick a horse with some sort of color over this guy any day I don't think he's that special that's not to say he isn't a good looking horse though he just looks like every Friesan out there.

  10. Pretty sure the millenials-living-at-home has to do with the prices of homes and the job rates. You can 'kick' them out of the house, but they're not going to grow up living the happy life you'd want them to live in a dumpster on the corner of a street.
    Give them responsibilities in the home, make sure they pay rent as long as they stay with you and make sure they spend their time learning how to cook, clean, fix things and run a household.
    THEN you kick them out once a good house is available and then they'll be fine.
    I know a guy aged 50 that lived on his own for most of his life. He's never learned how to cook a meal. For about 32 years, he's been using microwave-meals and he does not know how to 'cut' an apple ('peel' it with a knife) or how to iron things.
    He doesn't know how to wash clothes, still brings them to his parents (who are still alive) and he does not know how to do any administration-work, so the letters still go to his mom as well.

    Yet I got shit for leaving the house at 23, right after I finished my education, but I dó know how to run a household now.

  11. I’ve worked with those types of horses they called Frisians and they are very naughty and strong but they can be cute as you can see

  12. About Fredrick The Great – You gotta admit he is awesome to look at and see perform. He seems to have a loving and playful personality. I vote He is the most beautiful horse in the world that we are aware of. I loved Fredrick before your piece. Is there a Fredricka out there for him???

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