Articles

Another Look Into The CBS Vault

March 4, 2020


YOU KNOW, I AM ALWAYS LOOKING TO
— I’M SO HAPPY TO BE A PART OF CBS. THE TIFFANY NETWORK NAMED
THEY HAVE EVEN OFFERED TO LET ME DECIDE WHERE THE NEXT “N.C.I.S.” WILL TAKE PLACE AND WHICH RAPPER
WILL STAR IN IT. I’M THINKING “N.C.I.S. FORT
WAYNE,” STARRING LIL WAYNE. AND ONE OF THE PERKS IS THAT WE
HAVE ACCESS TO AN ARCHIVE OF CBS ENTERTAINMENT GOING BACK
OVER 80 YEARS. I HAVE BEEN BINGE-WATCHING “FACE
THE NATION” FROM THE BEGINNING. I CAN’T WAIT TO FIND OUT HOW THE
VIETNAM WAR ENDS! NO SPOILERS! AND WHENEVER WE WANT, WE CAN
JUST DIP INTO THAT ARCHIVE FOR SOME FREE CONTENT. SO IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER TRIP
INTO THE CBS VAULT. TONIGHT, WE BRING YOU CBS SPORTS
FROM 1979. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
(TRUMPETS BLOWING) ♪
>>IT’S A BEAUTIFUL SPRING DAY HERE AT CHAMBERLAIN DOWNS! MARCH 28th, 1979, A DAY WHERE
CERTAINLY NOTHING COULD GO WRONG! HERE AT THE TRACK, THE SKIES ARE
BLUE AND THE CRISP AIR SMELLS DELIGHTFULLY OF HORSE! THE CONTENDERS HAVE TAKEN THEIR
POSITION AT THE STARTING GATES, AND THEY’RE OFF! VELVET MISSUS JUMPS TO AN EARLY
LEAD FOLLOWED BY YOU OLD DEVIL, CANTANKEROUS JONES AND GRANDPA’S
WEEPING WAR WOUNDS. OUTSIDE NIXON DREAM AND AS FAST
AS A CAR AND SOON TO BE DOG FOOD! A BREAKING NEWS BULLETIN! WHAT! CAN’T BE! JUST RECEIVED WORD THERE HAS
BEEN A MASSIVE ACCIDENT AT THE 3-MILE ISLAND NUCLEAR FACILITY
JUST OUTSIDE OF HARRISBURG, PENNSYLVANIA, A COMPLETE NUCLEAR
MELTDOWN! MY GOD! AND AROUND THE TURN IT’S IN
ALLENTOWN BUT DON’T COUNT OUT DRUNK IRISH MESS, PEEK AT YOU,
MY DEBT WIFE AND DR. HORSE MEDICINE HORSE! I’M BEING TOLD THE FALLOUT WILL
REACH US IN NEW YORK CITY WITHIN THE HOUR! MILLIONS OF MEN, WOMEN AND
CHILDREN TRAGICALLY OBLITERATED IN A BALL OF NUCLEAR FIRE! WE’RE ALL DOOMED IS COMING
AROUND THE BEND RIGHT NOW FOLLOWED BY CHINESE DEMOCRACY,
BABY FINGERS, THREE MILE ISLAND DISASTER AND KEY! THIS IS HOW IT ENDS, MAN
DESTROYED BY HIS OWN ENGINES, MUTATED HORSES WILL SHATTERED
SHATTER ALL RECORDS. OH HUE BRINGS. MOTORCYCLE LIKE THE APPROACHING
TIDE OF DEVASTATION, H HE IS UNSTOPPABLE. NATURE’S MOTORCYCLE HAS WON THE
FINAL RACE OF THE BEFORE TIMES! TAKE HIM TO THE BUNKER! WE MUST PRESERVE THIS SPECIMEN
SO FUTURE GENERATIONS MAY ISSUE FROM HIS LOINS! THE BLOODLINE MUST BE PRESERVED
ABOVE ALL ELSE! NATURE’S MOTORCYCLE! OUR SAVIOR! OUR NEW GOD! WE WORSHIP —
(TRUMPET SOUND)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *