P: Hello! Dan and Phil- [laughs] D: *does an impression of a horse* P: -games golden carrots! I knew you were gonna start clopping! D: Sorry. P: Cloppity Cloppity Clop! D: Clipity Clop. D: “When will we stop?” is the question many of you have been asking. P: Yeah. [Kids Awws] P: I mean, I like a good devisive series! P: Some people love it – D: This is our great youtube controversy Phil. P: I know! I-I think it is! More people are saying “I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!” than are saying “delete yourselves.” D: So basically, uhh, a lot of people are like “I NEED THIS.” in a way that’s a bit worrying P: Yeah. D: We don’t talk about them a lot of people are saying, “This is funny I’m enjoying it.” D: There are a few of you, and we want to highlight you, that you are actually uncomfortable. P: [Laughs] D: You’re – this game is ACTUALLY disturbing you. P: I mean, that’s the point though! P: That’s the point, it’s fun! D: It’s valid, but I feel like I need to say, this game is satire i-it’s not literal bestiality P: No. D: Umm. P: It’s-It’s just a LOL D: It’s just a LOL P: It’s just a nice little LOL D: It’s just a casual LOL. P: I think we should do this one and see how we feel! D: See how the audience feels- P: See how you feel D: I think at this point whereby I have no idea what’s happening P: Yeah D: I just want to know where the hell is this game going? P: Where are we going now? D: W-where will this- how far will they go before this gets removed off the app store? P: Let’s find out! D: So whether you want to or not, strap yourselves in for ten minutes D: of erotic equine roleplay P: [horse sounds] P: I don’t we should’ve encouraged you with the fan art because it’s increased about D: I-w-w-w-yes P: ten times the amount D: W-well it’s- we’re j-just gonna throw them up on the screen right now P: Here we go D: So much. P: Here’s one! D: So disturbing… P: [laughing] [applause sound effect] D: This is a terrible- okay that’s all thank you for that P: beautiful sketching D: The less we talk about that, the better P: What about this one, Dan? What about this one? [record scratch] P: [laughs] I feel like I’ve seen something I shouldn’t have P: beautiful artwork though, keep it coming or don’t… it’s up to you P: ♪ My horse prince ♪ D: Do you need to do that though? P: I do it’s the thing now D: I’m not sure P: Next episode D: Alright P: Ojisan! The next day, SusanKun woke up at home D: Stop P: What? [dramatic sound effect] P: A dog! D: Dog P: [laughs] D: The dog has a moustache P: The dog is Oji-san in disguise D: Is that Susankun’s home in the city or is this her home or is this Yuuma’s home P: in the barn? D: -and she’s stayed the night? D: We’ll see. P:I think it’s her home. D: Okay. P: It was yes- [laughs] I can’t read. D: IT WAS YESTERDAY. Phil that makes no sense. P: [reading in-game text] P: The horse is in her house! D: I mean, what a good lad – one that makes breakfast for the morning after. P: It’s a very pixelated horse in the house. D: Oh here we go, content. Both: Next episode! P: The morning feed! D: I’m hyped. D: This-this is a soap. P: So hyped D: This is the storyline. Screw Riverdale and Homeland. P: Yeah it’s all about- D: Horse prince P: [reading in-game text] D: ♪ With a human-faced horse ♪ P: [horse noises] D: You know you love it, stop lying to yourself. P: You’re loving it. P: Just thumbs it up anyway even if you don’t like it D: Even if you’re crying right now P: I like the little hooves that appear. Bom bom bom. D: Oh wow, look at that! P: Morning feed! D: Okay [chirping noises] D: I wonder what’s saying that D: [reading in-game text] P: [laughs] She gets really posh at the start D: -said Emma Watson P: said Emma Watson with a- D: Slash Daenerys
P: horse- maybe it’s the centaur from Harry Potter D: Okay. [reading in-game text] P: I thought that said “clop clop clop” D: [reading in-game text] D: Like your mum, you wake up on a Sunday. P: Yeah. D: There’s, you know, domestic dreams P: Just chopping and chopping D: I feel like this is gonna be a nightmare. D: Let’s see. D: [reads in-game text] [laughter] P: He’s wearing an apron! Ah-mazing. D: Jesus Christ! okay D&P: [reading in-game text] D: I mean, honestly. Anyone that exudes glitter and makes sure that you’re resting on the weekend – that’s who you need in your life D: [reading in-game text] D: [laughs] the racing news. D: [reads in-game text] P: I was gonna say “horse food”! P: [reading in-game text] D: Miso soup for breakfast? Sorry Japan. P: Yeah, you can’t really do that D: Rice – can’t handle the carbs. P: I just want a massive bowl of cereal D: [reading in-game text] Both: Oh! D: SusanKun’s- maybe SusanKun’s on the Crunchy Nut P: Maybe! D: Like us, but who knows? P: [woofing] Am I the dog? I think I’m the dog. D: I mean you just freaking volunteered for the dog, Phil. That was some good borks. P: I volunteer as tribute to be the doggo D: [reading in-game text] D&P: [whimpering] D&P: [reading in-game text] P: You’re feeding fish to your dog?! P: [reads in-game text] D&P: [laughing] P: What is this video?! D&P: [reading in-game text] D: He has no idea what you’re talking about P: [reading in-game text] D: Okay that’s really weird. I don’t know if he knows what his place in this relationship or family structure is P: I’m confused. D: We’ll get to that later. P: I’m intrigued D: Do they have two microwaves in the background there, or is one of those an oven? P: I don’t know, or is one like an iPad? D: I don’t know. And there’s like a painting of the title screen on the right there P: I think it’s a TV and a microwave. Anyway- D: I see! Perhaps. Some good pottery. Okay! D&P: [reading in-game text] D: Unless this is a magnetic knife, how is the horse holding it? P: How does a horse hold a knife? D: With that horse thumb that he’s just gonna grow. P: You’re freaking me out P: [reading in-game text] D: I mean, that- P: The claw technique? D: That makes no sense D: [reading in-game text] D: SusanKun’s only willing to question so much before she just budges in. D: [reading in-game text] P: Where’s she getting the horse oil? D: Questions we shouldn’t ask Both: Mission start! P: Okay there’s a leek on the floor. What am I doing? Am I gonna chop it up? D: Before we start, somebody in the comments said that you can tap on him-? So just give Yuuma a prod. D: There we go. Ooh there’s a pretty horse Yuuma, maybe give him a stroke. Ooh! D: You tapped on the leek. P: I tapped on the leek! He’s chopping leeks! P: That was intense! Can I stroke him? D: I need like, ten minutes to recover from that.. P: I’ll give him a stroke. D: Okay D: Oh my god, you can brush him! P: What?! I didn’t know this! D: This changes everything. P: He’s loving it! D: Look at this roleplay. Are we nintendogs now? P: Oh yeah D: What does that do? P: Feel my brush! D: Have you- Phil. D: D- don’t, don’t speak D: ♪ Don’t speak, you’re violating laws ♪ P: ♪ The horse doesn’t need it ♪ D: You gave him one energy! P: Ooh! D: Wow, so if you need to watch ads and you’ve watched them all for the day to get your energy back. P: Give him a cheeky brush. D: You can just rub him for ten minutes. P: Right! Let’s chop some leeks. D: Go Phil! P: This is reminding me of leekspin.com Both: [singing] D: Okay, anyway. Is that a leek or is that a spring onion? P: I think it’s a spring onion. It said onions. Oh, he’s leveled up. D: Spring on- PHIL! Phil! P: Oh! He’s dying D: What happens? P: Shall we find out? P: I’m gonna find out what happens D: Sorry guys D: “He’s cutting on the floor, but that’s okay.” Is it okay? D: Is anything about this okay? P: One energy left! D: Just for science, for science. P: Is he gonna die? D: Mmmbleeuugh. He’s on zero! P: Zero. Both: Raaahhh!! P: I think- I just don’t think his heart is increasing. D: Well, okay. He’s just really sad. P: Shall we have a little chat? Shall we have a little horsey chin-wag? D: A really long faced chin-wag. P: Yep. D: Where is a horse’s chin? P: I love the apron on him! D: I know! P: [reading in-game text] P: What is the right answer to that? D: Oooooh D: What would you want in the morning? P: Is a carrot a fruit? P: A carrot is not a fruit, a carrot is a vegetable. That’s the trick! D: A-ha! He wants to catch us out for being an idiot. I bet- I bet he’d be sad. D: What would you personally choose? P: I would have an orange, I don’t like grapefruit D: I’d have a grapefruit. P: Would you? D: The thing is with a grapefruit, if you sprinkle loads of sugar over it which kind of, um, reduces the entire point of having a fruit, it’s really delicious P: Uh, I’m gonna go with orange. D: Sure. P: Orange! D: [laughs] P: [reading in-game text] D&P: BAD! P: How was I meant to know that? D: Rekt P: He hates me again! D: Oh, Phil! D: I mean- P: Oh gosh, darn it. D: [laughing] P: I can’t believe he hates me again straightaway. We’re off to a bad start D: And you were already on zero. I mean he’s gonna leave you for another woman of the city, Phil P: No, don’t leave me Yuuma! What should I do? P: “Um, what?” D: I mean, what’s your moral compass? Are you gonna watch an ad? P: No! D: No. Well, then D: Oh. no. Oh my god he couldn’t be more sad P: Okay we need to talk again D: We need to get this back P: Right, here we go. Here we go! P: [reading in-game text] D: Okay, does SusanKun say “I don’t know” or “It was delicious! You picked a good one!” or “I ate it, sorry!”? P: I think we should say “I ate it, sorry!” because that’s like honest. That’s the honesty that Yuuma craves D: Or “It was delicious! You picked a good one!” Thanks, I pick the best desserts P: Ohhhh-kay, I’m gonna go with B. D: Go. P: “It was delicious! You picked a good one!” Both: Yes! Both: [reading in-game text] P: Excellent, he loves us again! D: What can I say? I’m more in tune with my inner..horse….man. P: Where’s the golden carrots at? Because I could do with another one D: You have to buy those, Phil. P: Oh. D: Last episode’s was quicker than usual. P: That was a thing? D: Yes P: Shall we talk again or- D: Yeah, get the energy up P: Okay. D: Okay. P: Right. This is it, this is it. P: [reading in-game text] D: Don’t really like miso soup. It’s too fishy. P: Deep fried tofu does sound quite nice. D: I mean, you freaking deep fry anything and that’s a winner. P: Yeah, deep fry anything wins. P: I’m gonna say it. D: But he likes carrots. P: Oh! D: I mean he’s healthy, and he wants you to be healthy. P: Oh the choices hurt me so bad! P: I’m gonna go with deep fried tofu because that’s what I thought. P: [reading in-game text] D&P: Good. P: I mean… D: He’s judging you a bit. P: It was alright. D: He’s judging you a bit. Remember the last episode was all about exercise? P: Yeah. D: Just saying. P: So, shall I leek it up? D: Yeah. D: Tap, tap. P: Leek, leek, leek. P: I’ve never had so many leeks in my entire life. D: You’re leek crazy. P: Yeah. D: He’s so strong it looks like the knife is going to snap! P: She’s getting into it now. D: I mean, really. The-the entire horse weight on the knife is gonna snap it doesn’t it? D: I like that- this game was like, “what questionable moral depravity will occur?” D: and we’re just making a healthy breakfast. P: We are! That’s all that’s happening! D: Any of you people are like, “woah I didn’t subscribe for this content.” What? Cooking? What’s wrong with you? P: What should we do? D: I think we should get our things back so let’s just watch an ad. P: Okay. Dan: Yeah! P: So, we’re just sat here watching ads now? P: That’s a thing? D: This is our life. P: Are we just gonna watch ads and give the horse more money? D: Giving some.. strange man.. some money so we can virtually flirt with a horse. P: Great. D: That is what we’re doing with our evenings. P: I love my life. P: Oh, we got another “talk” now. Okay, here we go, here we go. D: We have to make this count, Phil. P: [reads in-game text] D: Oooh. Field! FIELD! D: Wow, okay. Can a horse go to a theme park? P: A horse can’t go on rollercoasters is what I’m thinking. D: Can a horse go to the cinema? P: No… P: He’s gonna get in the way of everyone’s screen! Let’s go to the field! D: B-bu–but… D: But is the field too obvious? P: No it’s-it’s where he belongs… D: I think it’s cinema. P: Really? D: But if you think it’s field, I’ll let you choose. P: I think it’s field.. FIELD! D: A-ha! P: [reads in-game text] D: I mean, I’d like to think it would be a thing but I’d like to believe I was right. P: Well at least it was positive. P: So, are we leeking it up now? D: Yeah. P: Come ooooooon. P: [reads in-game text] D: I mean, why is he just dropping these spring onions all over the floor? P: I don’t know. D: [reads in-game text] D: I mean, I’m sure that’s just adding to it. [reads in-game text] P: He’s gonna slice into the dog, isn’t he? D: This is one of those things where Susan will stand back and observe all of these things D: and then say nothing and do nothing. P: Yeah. D: Now in the interest of progressing this video and not waiting for things to refresh. P: We’re buying a carrot! D: Yes! Dan’s credit card is about to spend more money on this horse app. P: There we go. D: I am this entire developer’s number one supporter. P: That is so dangerous! I can’t believe you just spent actual money on this. D: We got five?! P: Yeah! P: Okay, ready? Use it. D: ♪ Frenzy time ♪ D: Go, Phil! P: Frenzy! D: YES! YES! P: [singing the impossible quiz theme song] D: [reading in-game text] D: Phil, Phil, Phil, no, y-you’re doing the Impossible Quiz again. P: Oh, I’m sorry.. I’m sorry. D: That’s like 10/10 banned. P: Is that it?! D: [reads in-game text] P: [laughs] D: Is it a human-faced dog? I-I mean, the dog has a mustache. P: Yeah. D: If the horse just had a mustache and she was attracting with (attracted to) it in the same way that would be even weirder. P: Is she falling in love with the dog, is that what we’re asking? D: I d- I don’t- like, honestly, where is this episode heading? P: I don’t know. D: [reads in-game text] P: Another carrot? D: Yeah, carrot it up. P: Okay. D: Let’s do this ep mate. P: Here we go! D&P: Nomnomnomnom D: I wonder what a golden carrot would taste like.. P: ♪ Feveeer ♪ D: [reads in-game text]. P: Okay. Here we go, here we go. This is it guys. D: WOOOO! P: YES! D: I never noticed that it explodes in the shape of a heart. P: Did you see his, uh, apron swish into the air? D: Flutter up gracefully. P: Your bond has grown stronger. D: Not everything is the dreamy horse accent. P: [reads in-game text] D: I’m ready for this. D: [reads in-game text] D: That was like, a freaking four hundred – ! P: I know! D: What is this soup? Is it just a mountain? P: How is she gonna eat? D: Is it a vat of just soup onion liquid? P: He’s just gonna throw her into the soup and eat her as well. P: [reads in-game text] D: Oh it’s vore. P: Oh, he’s gone a bit sassy. D: I-I think you said that a bit aggressively. I think it’s, “don’t be picky and eat it all up” P: I still think he’s telling her what to do. D: Passive aggressive. D&P: [reading in-game text] P: Uh.. P: NO? D: Oh god, I feel- P: Imagine a hoof coming towards your mouth! D: I feel it coming, I feel it coming.. P: Are we reaching the moment? D: Are you ready? P: I’m ready. D: Am I ready? P: Yeah? D: …here we go D: [reads in-game text] D: Oh, god. P: Oh! D&P: [laughing] P: Wow. D: That’s just dreamy! P: That is dreamy! D: I am in love with that. P: I’d like that as a poster in my bathroom. D: Yeah, okay. Hoof for scale.. that is the thickest spring onion I have ever seen in my entire life. P: That’s gonna take a lot of gnashering. D: Look at the girth on that one. P: Yep. D&P: [reading in-game text] D&P: [laughing] D&P: [reading in-game text] D&P: [laughing] D: Wha- how do you not love this?! P: I know! How are you not loving it?! D: I-I mean, c’mon! P: What is wrong with you?! D: This is better than the current season of The Walking Dead. P: I’m having so much fun. P: This is.. just.. art. D: [reading in-game text] P: This is better than The Wire. D: Again.. P: [laughs] P: [reading in-game text] D: Oh, it’s turning into that cake outtake from TATINOF. P: Yeah. D&P: [reading in-game text] D: It’s literally the cake situation. P: Have another mouthful for Philly! D&P: [reading in-game text] D: [coughing] D&P: She’s choking! D: -to death. This is getting violent. D: [reading in-game text] P: Oh my god, it’s got sinister. D: Imagine a horse pushing you against the wall and force feeding you spring onions. D&P: [reading in-game text D: This is some human foie gras right now. D: Uuuurghh Both: [reading ingame text] P: Oh my god P: [reading in-game text] D: “Guhhh!” P: What is happening? I did not expect this! D: Okay, w-w-when we saw the episode would be themed around making a soup, D: I thought, “this is gonna be less weird than the treadmills and a lot less sexual than the whatever kabedon holding hand against the wall violence thing” D: [reading in-game text] P: Is that God? D: Susan’s literally dying right now. P: [reading in-game text] D: Gotta prove your worth. D: [choking] P: Oh my god. P: Is Susan still alive?! D: This is fulfilling every kink that our audience may have. P: Find out next time! P: Is the next one set in the afterlife where she just dies on all those leeks? D: Wow. P: Wow. I mean, I felt like I went to a place I didn’t think I was going to, during that. D: That episode literally ended with her being choked possibly to death with a spring onion soup. P: Yeah. D: There we go. P: I can’t believe it. D: Woooooshhh… P: SO REAL TALK. Let’s get real. D: Oh, uh-oh. P: What we thinking? P: If you don’t want us to do this ever again, D: What’s wrong with you? P: Thumb it down P: If you want us to keep going, thumb it up D: If you want us to…. keep going but you’re not zazzed so you want us to finish the ENTIRE THING IN ONE HOUR LONG EPISODE D: or if you want these in weekly installments or monthly installments P: Maybe monthly? D: Tell us your opinions down there! P: I wanna know! D: We don’t wanna drown you in horse.. P: If you want the horse, D: But if you want the horse, then we will give you the horse. P: Sporadic horse D: You know what we’re saying? P: Let us know! D: So, this is a two-way relationship. Let us know how you feel about Yuuma D: and perhaps we’ll see you again soon. P: So slice our subscribe button like a spring onion if you want to subscribe! D: Please don’t stab your laptop and or, mobile device. P: Trot over to our other channels. D: Yep, you’re gonna make them not wanna do that. P: Yeah. D: You can watch our last video over there if you’ve had too much horse for one day, P: aaaand…. D: Goodbye. P: Bye.