David Letterman on Giving Conan O’Brien a Horse
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David Letterman on Giving Conan O’Brien a Horse

August 14, 2019


TONY BENNETT, AND MAYBE EVEN A SURPRISE OR TWO ALONG THE WAY. TWO VERY LONG YEARS AGO, OUR FIRST GUEST LEFT US TO FEND FOR OURSELVES. BUT HE’S BACK, THANK GOODNESS, WITH A NEW SHOW ON NETFLIX AND A VERY FURRY FACE. ON SUNDAY, HE WILL RECEIVE THE MARK TWAIN PRIZE AT THE KENNEDY CENTER. PLEASE WELCOME DAVID LETTERMAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪ [ APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.>>I’M SO EXCITED TO BE HERE. IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE FAMOUS PEOPLE AGAIN. JUST TO BE OUT OF THE HOUSE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! AND PAUL, YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WORK HERE NOW.>>I WAS AFRAID TO TELL YOU.>>THANK YOU.>>Jimmy: HE GOES BY BRITTNEY NOW.>>HOW ARE YOU AND THANK YOU, EVERYBODY, VERY NICE.>>Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU DOING?>>I’LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. YOU’RE LOOKING AT A MAN WHO IS LAUGHING ON THE OUTSIDE, CRYING ON THE INSIDE. I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE HAD THIS PROBLEM FOR A YEAR. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING HIGH AND LOW. I AM DETERMINED TO FIND A SHIRT THAT LOOKS GOOD UNTUCKED. I CAN’T FIND ONE.>>Jimmy: I THINK THERE’S A WEBSITE.>>COULD IT BE THAT HARD?>>Jimmy: IS THIS SUIT YOU’RE WEARING FROM THE LATE SHOW? OR IS THIS SOMETHING YOU HAD TO GO OUT AND GET ON YOUR OWN?>>NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. CAN I TALK TO YOU, JIMMY?>>Jimmy: YEAH, SURE. TALK.>>YOU KNOW ME, I’M A CELEBRITY.>>Jimmy: YEAH. AND WHEN STUFF HAPPENS, JUST TO GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE, I’LL START SLOW. MANY IT’S, MANY, MANY YEARS AGO MY NIECE GOT MARRIED. WHEN YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED, YOU WANT LIKE A BIG THING AND A HONEYMOON AND A REHEARSAL DINNER AND ALL THAT CRAP, AND PRESENTS. SO I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD AND SAID I HAVE TO GET BIG IMPRESSIVE PRESENTS BECAUSE I AM THE TOP STAR OF THE DAY. I FIGURED IT OUT AND YOU GET A SET OF TIRES. AND YOU WRAP THEM UP INDIVIDUALLY SO YOU HAVE FOUR ENORMOUS GIFTS. AND THEY’RE TIRES. SO I THOUGHT, WELL, THIS IS FANTASTIC. MY WORK IS DONE HERE. WHO CARES IF THEY WON THEM OR IF THEY USE THEM? AND THEN I THINK ONE TIME, BECAUSE YOU’RE IN SHOW BUSINESS AND YOU WOULD GET THE JOKE, I SAID TO YOU, TIES.>>Jimmy: I DIDN’T TAKE IT AS A JOKE AND IN FACT I WILL WEARING ONE OF THE TIES.>>THAT’S A BEAUTY. THAT ONE SHOULDN’T HAVE GONE OUT.>>Jimmy: YOU SENT ME A FEW DAYS AFTER YOU LEFT THE LATE SHOW, ALL OF YOUR TIES. I’M HAPPY ABOUT THAT. AND I AM STILL DELIGHTED.>>AND ONE TIME MY AGENT’S SON WAS HAVING A BAR MITZVAH, SENT HIM A PACK OF CIGARETTES. IT IS ONLY A JOKE. WE ALL UNDERSTAND THAT. YOU UNDERSTAND IT. THE KID UNDERSTOOD IT. EVERYBODY DID. SO A COUPLE YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS EITHER FIRED OR I RETIRED.>>Jimmy: OKAY.>>ALL A BLUR NOW. AND PEOPLE WERE MINDLESSLY SAYING NICE THINGS ABOUT ME. YOU WERE EFFUSIVE.>>Jimmy: YES, YES.>>BY THE WAY, FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS CONVERSATION, I HAVE NOTHING BUT THE HIGHEST REGARD FOR ALL THE TALK SHOW MEN AND TALK SHOWS. EVEN JIMMY FALLON.>>Jimmy: THAT’S NICE. YEAH.>>SO PEOPLE WERE SAYING NICE THINGS SO I SAID, AND CONAN O’BRIAN WHO IS LIKE SOME SORT OF GOD ON MT. OLYMPUS. HE RUNS AROUND TELLING PEOPLE HE WENT TO HARVARD. WE DON’T KNOW. SO HE GOES ON MY OLD SHOW, THE STEPHEN COLBERT SHOW.>>Jimmy: ON FRIDAY.>>HE WROTE SOMETHING THAT WAS JUST BEAUTIFUL. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?>>THE THING CONAN WROTE FOR YOU?>>YEAH.>>NO, I DON’T REMEMBER IT. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]>>I HAPPENED TO SEE THIS. TONIGHT ON JIMMY’S SHOW, HE IS TALKING TO AN AGENT VAGRANT.>>THE VIEWER GUIDE WILL SAY THAT.>>SO ANY WAY, CONAN, THIS BEAUTIFUL THING. AND I THOUGHT THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO SEND A [ BLEEP ] SHOW BUSINESS HE GIFT. SO I THOUGHT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’LL DO? I’LL SEND HIM A HORSE. THING HOLLYWOOD YOU CAN GET LIVESTOCK AND STUFF FOR SHOWS. AND I GET A COUPLE OF COWBOYS AND I’LL SEND HIM OUT A HORSE. AND THE IDEA WILL BE THAT HE’LL HAVE THE HORSE ON THE SHOW AND THE HORSE WILL TAKE A DUMP ON THE SHOW AND IT WILL BE HILARIOUS. ISN’T THAT HILARIOUS?>>Jimmy: IT IS HILARIOUS TO SEND SOMEONE A HORSE. YEAH.>>SO LIKE TWO OR THREE DAYS LATER, I REALIZED, OH, NO, THINGS HAVE GONE TERRIBLY WRONG. I GET THIS LOVELY LETTER FROM CONAN SAYING, MY WIFE LOVES THE HORSE AND SHE IS GOING TO KEEP THE HORSE BECAUSE SHE IS AN ETRES TREEAN. I’M PRESBYTERIAN. ARE YOU JEWISH?>>NO.>>SO NOW I’M SCREWED BECAUSE I WAS COUNTING ON HER RETURNING THE HORSE AND I WOULD GET MY MONEY BACK.>>Jimmy: CAN YOU RETURN A HORSE?>>OH, YEAH. A TERRIBLE DISCOUNT. SO I DON’T HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT IT UNTIL CONAN SHOWS UP ON THE LATE SHOW THAT I USED TO BE ON WITH STEPHEN COLBERT. AND NOW HE’S LOST HIS MIND. DID YOU SEE IT?>>Jimmy: I DID.>>WAS HE LIKE A CRAZY MAN?>>Jimmy: NOT ONLY DID I SEE IT BUT HE COMPLAINED TO ME PERSONABLY THE HORSE.>>LIKE IT’S MY FAULT?>>Jimmy: WELL, YOU DID SEND HIM THE HORSE IN ALL FAIRNESS.>>IT WAS A JOKE. TAKE A DUMP ON THE STAGE. LOAD HIM UP AND GET HIM BACK. THAT’S WHAT IT WAS. YOU DON’T THINK THE HORSE KNEW WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO? NOT MY PROBLEM. SO NOW I DIDN’T SEE IT. FROM WHAT I INFER, AS CONAN WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THE HORSE. AND THE HORSE HAS GONE CRAZY. SOMETHING HAPPENED. MAYBE IT’S BEEN AROUND CONAN ALL DAY.>>Jimmy: THE HORSE IS SAID TO BE UNRIDEABLE.>>OF COURSE HE IS UNRIDEABLE. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS TAKE A DUMP ON THE STAGE. SO NOW HE’S COMPLAINING LIKE THE MAY BE LITIGATION. AND MAYBE I’LL GET A CALL FROM PETA. AND APPARENTLY HE BROKE INTO CONAN’S MANSION?>>Jimmy: THE HORSE BROKE INTO HIS MANSION? THAT I DIDN’T HEAR.>>AND ONE OF CONAN’S SERVANTS WAS KICKED IN THE HEAD.>>Jimmy: OH, BOY, THAT’S NO GOOD.>>SO IF YOU RUN INTO CONAN, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE. HOW CRAZY CAN THE HORSE BE?>>Jimmy: HORSES CAN BE CRAZY. I DON’T WANT TO DEFEND CONAN.>>IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE DEFENDING HIM.>>Jimmy: BOTTOM LINE, YOU NEED A BETTER GIFT. LOOK AT THIS. IT IS NOT KICKING ANYBODY IN THE HEAD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>FOR THE SAKE OF THIS, IF I HAD SENT YOU THE HORSE, THERE WOULD BE NONE OF THIS, MY WIFE LOVES IT. WE’RE KEEPING THE HORSE. I MEAN HE HAS A HALF ACHOR IN STUDIO CITY. WHERE IS HE GOING TO KEEP THE DAMN HORSE?>>Jimmy: I THINK THAT’S THE QUESTION HE WAS ASKING TOO.>>THE POINT IS NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.>>Jimmy: WHEN IN DOUBT, AN EDIBLE ARRANGEMENT IS A NICE GI

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  1. I see Letterman loves to watch Conan and think Fallon is a faker surviving on games and celebrity stroies.

  2. Story telling at its best. Reminds me of when Letterman did the bear story. His sense of humour is just wicked.

  3. Is it just me or does he looks like he's walking on a stilt/forgot how to walk after so many years of being seated for a living?
    Does he even have anything other than bones in his legs? This is freaking me out.

  4. The gigantic gap in both skill dealing with situations, telling jokes and being the butt of a joke, and more importantly than that, being able to conduct a conversation at all, is what makes one a legend and the other literally fodder. A paid advertisement guy (in pretty much all the worse ways one can be one) vs one who had to convince advertisers to pay not him, but his show. Someone who can punch and roll with the punches vs a script monkey.
    It is shameful that one is being paid to "present" a show.

  5. The best part is neither David nor Conan were asked about the horse. They just had to vent. And they both took almost 10 minutes.

  6. Conan always talked good about David Letterman so it is sad to see that David Letterman put him down. Conan told his audience to watch David Letterman last show instead of him which I thought was big of Conan.

  7. 1. Conan- TBS
    2. Jimmy Kimmel- ABC
    3. John Oliver- HBO
    4.Stephen Colbert- CBS
    5. Seth Meyers- NBC
    6. Jimmy Fallon- NBC

  8. Conan has every right to complain, David.
    Why would Conan think it was a joke??? Conan has too much class to return a gift!

  9. Bro these talk show hosts are dirty. TV personalities are supposed to be clean cut and shaved, I dont know what happened to class man.

  10. This is Letterman channeling Norm MacDonald. He doesn't give a crap about the audience or the show, he's telling the story for the sake of the story

  11. Dave getting old… I m not feeling so good.. all my best persons.. dave … Friends cast… Mark hammil. … Harrison… All are getting older… 😭😭😭

  12. Conan should have sent back some horse steaks with a note saying "Dear David, thanks for the horse, it was delicious. I saved the best bits for you." (From another horse)

  13. That beard made him look like he’s 110 years old. This interview was terrible. Yes, Letterman is a troll but he’s so boring on this one.

  14. David Letterman is so old now that when he pitch with his kid he will dislocate a shoulder. And the only balls coming back is in his swinging sack

  15. …anyone else get bad vibes from Letterman on this 'joke?' Conan is a great guy, clearly David isn't. Why is he so full of himself? Why do you have to remind the crowd you're a celebrity?

  16. Q: How do you know David Letterman is the true king of late night?
    A: Well. He's the only host who can say "even Jimmy Fallon" on national television and everyone still loves him.

  17. Man if sure is nice you let Santa Claus on your show after it turned out he drugged all those women in the 80's. I bet Theo wasn't too happy about that one but at least little Rudy because a football star.

  18. Jeez does this country need Letterman to return to prime time TV. Leno as well. Someone should start a petition….Paul looks the same as he did in 1988!

  19. Honestly all of the talk show hosts including Letterman are so much behind Conan, his humor and effortlessness on the stage. No way to speak about them as equals

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