Die Hard – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)
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Die Hard – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)

October 20, 2019

He’s gonna take you back to the past To play the shitty games that suck ass He’d rather have A buffalo Take a diarrhea dump in his ear! He’d rather eat
The rotten asshole Of a roadkilled skunk and down it with beer He’s the angriest gamer you’ve ever heard! He’s the Angry Nintendo Nerd! He’s the Angry Atari Sega Nerd! He’s the Angry Video Game Nerd! So I’m about to review Die Hard on Nintendo… But before I begin I think I need to address the… kind of… Disturbing, maybe offensive nature of the… the front cover? What does this remind you of? It’s kinda… You know, it’s a little… Uhh… Yeah, alright, let’s carry on. So is this game gonna be good,
or is it gonna suck? Well take a wild fucking guess. So this is the first enemy in the game and I can’t even get near him because he’s shooting bullets all over the place and running away like an asshole. Get back here you fucker! Come on! Ah, I missed! Oh now there’s another guy already? God, I can’t move! Now I’m out of bullets? Are you for real? If only I can get near him I’m gonna punch the shit out of him! Come on, ugh, ugh, come on, ugh, your mother! Come on, come on, fuck you up! Come on! You know, is his other arm paralyzed or something? What’s going on? Come on, you’re a motherfucker! (Unintelligible Gibberish) Yeah, got’em! And how sad is this? I’ve only killed one guy in the game so far and I’m almost dead! Now once you’re dead, the game is over, and you start back from the beginning. But at least they’ve got the goddamn courtesy to give you a life bar! Anyways let’s take a look at this status screen so I can try my best to explain the object of this game. Well, you can see there’s 39 crooks. I’m under the impression that means there’s 40 bad guys in the game, and your goal is to hunt and kill all of them. And that’s nearly impossible when one guy can take all your life. And that’s kinda interesting, you don’t usually get to know how many guys you’re gonna kill Imagine if in Super Mario Bros. there was a counter telling you exactly how many goombas and koopa troopas are in the entire game. Only difference: you don’t have to kill them all. Alright, so you’ve got your life bar, which is self-explanatory Then you’ve got a… feet bar Yeah, your feet have power too, right? You can run by holding the B button, but that drains your foot power Now, let me ask a question: What’s the difference between saving your foot power and using it to get your ass movin’? Is it better to run and waste your foot power? Or just walk slow and waste your fucking time? Also, if you walk over broken glass, that also drains your foot power. And I can see where they’re going with this In the movie, Die Hard, John McClane’s feet end up in pretty bad shape and by the end of the movie, he’s limping. Now, that’s nice that they tried to make it like the movie But there’s some times where you should do that, and some times when it’s really not necessary That’s like if in Lethal Weapon, if you’re going around eating dog biscuits for powerups. So, lemme finish up with all of this shit You’ve got your weapons, the items you pick and… I don’t know, some map that doesn’t make any sense Then you’ve got some weird lock system. After a certain amount of time passes, one of the locks activates or whatever and when all of these locks activate, I assume you’re dead Well why not just have a clock with a simple time limit I don’t know. So you can break glass, which is cool, but you can’t walk over it without draining your foot power so, it’s not cool. Then you’ve got outside windows, which you think would have some kind of purpose But no, you just jump out and die What’s the point? Why would you commit suicide unless you don’t have a clue what you’re doing? It’s a beginner’s trap! Now what I really hate is this darkness thing You can’t see around any of the walls! Half the time there’s nothing going on, you’re just walking around And he walks like… there’s something wrong with him. He’s got like… one leg. So you’re just going around, and then all of a sudden you’re dead And you don’t even see it coming. You can’t even scratch your head, you’ll just be playing and then all of a sudden WHOA! You’re dead. The powerups are soda cans And the best part of the game is the vending machines Because you can just shoot the soda out of them And you’re gonna need it to stay alive. You can also find first aid kits to heal some of your foot power And you can pick up flash grenades which are supposed to stun your enemies But I’ve never once been able to hit anybody with one of these damn things And besides, why would you want to stun them when you can just take them out with a bullet? So there’s a beginner and advanced mode, and from what I’ve noticed There’s no difference except that the advanced mode starts you off at any random floor Where in the beginner mode you’ll always start on the 32nd floor. Now, let’s talk about the floors. It seems you can go to any floor you want, any time you want That is, between 31 and 35 You can use the elevators, the stairs, or even the air ducts. But how do you know where you’re supposed to go? I don’t know, I just find guys and kill them. There’s supposed to be hostages on the 30th floor But for whatever reason, you can’t go there yet So I’m guessing that happens at the end. But anyway, if you go up to the 35th floor, there’s a guy who has the key to the roof But finding him is a real bitch because he never wants to show up until you’ve already tried the locked door a million times But once you find him, you’re obviously gonna take a lot of bullets because there isn’t really any way to dodge in this narrow hallway Die! That’s kinda weird, he’s like, dead in the doorway. But anyway, you take the key, you unlock the door you go to the roof And… Well, this is the roof. Sometimes when you get here John McClane calls the cops And sometimes he doesn’t. It’s like in the movie, and I don’t know if it’s necessary or affects anything in the game But it doesn’t even seem like you have any control over it, so it really doesn’t fucking matter Somewhere up here there’s a rope, which I don’t know if it’s important or not you blow up this gym locker, or whatever it is, and he says, “I’d have to be desperate to tie that on and jump off. No, thanks.” Are you kidding me? Have you ever had a video game character talk back to you and say “No, I’m not gonna do that.” Going back to Mario again, what if Mario just said “You know, I’m really not feeling up to jumping over that platform. No, thanks.” This is ridiculous. I mean, he won’t climb down with a rope But he’ll jump out a window and fucking kill himself? So I’m taking the stairs down, now I find some blueprint of the fifth floor. Whoa, now we’re talking about the fifth floor? Take out the main computer? I’m getting confused. So I’m going around, trying to kill people, and Officer Carl Winslow keeps talking to me So I’m just walking around, waiting for whatever random stuff to happen Then the police car blows up, I’m like, “What does this have to do with anything?” But then Steve Urkel comes on, I’m like, “What the fuck?” The graphics don’t even make any sense. I don’t even know what anything is supposed to be. What’s this? What’s that? Seriously, what the shit is this thing?! What the shit is it?! I just can’t figure this out. This is like one of those games that you need a manual or read somebody’s walkthrough on the internet. But when it gets to that, it’s like, who cares? I’d rather have a mountain lion dump its ass all over my face. I’d rather unclog a shitty toilet with my bare hands. You know, I’m not fucking around anymore. Forget trying to explain how this game works. Let’s just fucking do it Back here you motherfucker! Get back here! Look at all these bullets! Fuck! The control is so stiff! You can only shoot straight, or at a 45-degree angle! There’s guys around every corner, there’s guys coming out of the elevator There’s guys coming out of your ass? It’s crazy! (Explosion) Damn! FUCK! Oh, you fucking bastard. DIE!!!! This game’s being ass! (Explosion) SHIT! Think, God dammit! Geronimo, motherfucker! (Explosions) Yippie-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker! (Explosion)

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  1. “Guys coming out the elevator, guys coming out of your ass”

    Cuts to guy actually coming out of his ass

  2. “Guys coming out the elevator, guys coming out of your ass”

    Cuts to guy actually coming out of his ass

  3. Lol surprised that YouTube didn't age restrict this video for the Twin Towers on the box art. They've done it for less.

  4. Ah, when the 80s were today's 90s… Before the 90s were cool and they were just another decade thet just went by.

  5. Have you play Silent Hill? The characters in that video game series often say that they don't want to do something.

  6. Did you ever see the movie. The countdown clock was them breaking into a vault to get some kind of valued document. Clarence Gilyard spent the entire movie breaking in and after he did they played Ode to joy. They should have made the foot thing just about the glass that would have made more sense. But bruce willis was barefoot the entire movie.

  7. The cover on the game is what you would call predictive programming. You could find so many examples of the Trade Centers destruction in entertainment before it happened. It has been used to condition and desensitize people to it.

  8. Almost had a stroke when he showed and said "There are guys coming out of your ass! Just crazy!" LMAOTIP!!!!!

  9. Plot for AVGN movie, a new video game in the year 1992 turns it's players into bloodthirsty cannibals James, using transtemporal technology developed by Mike in a haunted basement built atop a sacred indian burial ground in the year 2022. James dressed as legendary Carpenter character Snake Plisken, travels back in time to protect young Mike Matei from the Zombie hordes so he can one day invent time travel, the very same technology future James is using to circumvent the laws of physics in order to save young MM.

  10. On the game's title screen, maybe the reason AVGN didn't have anything to explain about it was because of the September 11 attacks caused by Osama "GARBAGE BIN" Laden and his Al-Qaeda henchcocks!

  11. This game reminds of loaded on the ps1&lkari warriors on Nintendo, this video is from 2007 wow,I watch every episode so far thank you James and friends 🖒

  12. DIE HARD the movie should really be the perfect inspiration for an action game, so many great scenes and ideas but its odd its never really spawned one.

  13. 6:22 Awww, the Nerd clearly isn't old enough to have grown up playing text adventures or point & clicks… Your character talking back to you, being a wise-ass, and saying stuff like "I don't want to do that" accounted for about 90% of the gameplay in those games 🙂

  14. Jagged Alliance 2 for pc talks back; You'll be like, low on health or something, you set – I forgot how – the icon to a hand making gripping motions, and the character – Vicky, for instance – is all: "Ain't no way me be doin' dat, Man!" So, actually, yes! I've had games talk back at me!

  15. Lol wtf! "There's guys coming out of your as*.". If that clip wasn't edited, then that is some funny as* sh*t!

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