Matt: *coughing* Ryan: We’re here now, and I wish I just kept with Diddy cuz he’s got so many banana- you know, I’m gonna go is Matt: Gonna go back and get a little Diddy? Ryan: I’m gonna go back and get Diddy unless there’s a barrel here, I don’t see no- Matt: Little diddle Ryan: Give me Diddy or-
Both: give me death! Matt: *giggles* Ryan: Hey look! You and I are on the same wavelength Matt: Who said give me liberty or give me death?
Matt: Sam… Sam Adams? Ryan: Sam Adams? Matt: Uncle Adams? Ryan: His Uncle Jeremy. Matt: *chuckles* The, uh, famous American hero Uncle Jeremy
Ryan: *laughs* Ryan: He fought for our freedoms WITHOUT guns! Ryan: He used, he used, he used slingshots. Matt: He used a little slingshot with pebbles. Ryan: I wish I wish instead of guns in America It was like slingshots.
Matt: *giggle* Ryan: *imitating yelling American* Come on! We have the right to own slingshots as Americans. Matt: *Southern American accent* It’s my god-given right to bear my slingshot!
Ryan: *laughs* Yeah like that! Matt: This is crazy.
Ryan: Oh my god-
Matt: What’s going on? Ryan: I don’t know, how do I fly forward? Can I fly around?
Matt: He’s like- M: *screaming* JESUS, HELP! Ryan: *laughing* Can I fly around? R: I don’t… Matt: Come on, dude M: Dude, nice! Ryan: Oh my god. What is this crazy shit-
Matt: Dude hes gonna like- M: -go to fast and smash his jaw. Ryan: Gimme those bananas! Matt: You got him!
Matt: Oh shit. Ryan: *screaming* NOOO! Matt: You didn’t lose health though, there’s no fall damage, right? *Ryan whimpers in desperation* …no.. Matt: You’re stuck over here now though aren’t you? Ryan: Unless I do this Both: *laughing* Ryan: This this game is nothin’ but collecting, I feel. Its just one big collecting- *talking over each other*
Matt: Yeah, that’s how I feel too. Ryan: I mean, that’s fine.
Matt: When do we unlock ANTIFA column? Ryan: You know whats right here?
Matt: What’s right here? Ryan: I can- I can power slam that-
you ready for this shit?
Matt: *talking over Ryan* Hey look at that little llama Matt: Yeah.
Ryan: Watch this- Matt: Smack that bottlecap…what’d I watch?
Ryan: Uhm… Matt: Did you just make a fool of yourself? Matt: I hope Ryan Magee-
[Ryan interjecting trying to defend himself]
-that you didn’t just make a fool of yourself- Ryan: Oh…
Matt: -infront of all of our viewers.
Ryan: I did it, I did it. Ryan: Oh..Oh!
Matt: ….oh shit. Matt: Whoa..
Ryan: Woo! Matt: What? This is crazy dude! *one of them sniffs snot back into their nasal passages*
Ryan: *whispers* okay… Matt: Okay. Both: *screaming in terror*
Ryan: *temper tantrum like* NO!
*cry coughs, whimper cries* Matt: *scream cries* Ryan: *yells* Agaaaiiin! Matt: Yeah, dude. That’d be so much fun.
Ryan: You could even try this if you want. Matt: Give it here. Ryan: I got the first one. Oh I need to disconnect this.
Matt: Alright, what’s the, uh, button? Ryan: Uh, A.
Matt: Just A?
Ryan: Yeah. Matt: See that?
Ryan: Matt, you’re doing this Ryan: Ooo!
Matt: Uh oh!
Ryan: Come on Matt get this for me? *Matt scream laughing* Ryan: *yelling at Matt* Give it here, GIVE IT HERE!
Matt: I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Ryan: *giggling* I got that mad- *giggling Matt: *imitating Ryan* GIVE IT HERE! *laughs*
Ryan: *laughing* Matt: You sound like an angry father *chuckles*
Ryan: I feel like there’s something good at the end of this Matt: There’s got to be something good. Man. They wouldn’t do this for nothing Ryan: Okay, you can take turns.
Matt: Yeah. We’ll take turns man Matt: The winner gets a prize
Ryan: *breathing quickly, ape-like* Matt: What’s the winner get?
Ryan: Chicken dinner. Matt: The winner gets a kiss from, uhh… M: We’ll, we’ll find someone on Craigslist to come, to kiss
Ryan: Oh shit, dude Matt: Dude, you get the Craigslist kiss
Ryan: *laughs* Matt: That was a Star of David too, you just flew into a big Star of David Ryan: *whispering* I unlocked him Matt: A Star of Jewish.
Ryan: Oh shit…wait.
Matt: *reading dialogue over Ryan in racially ambiguous accent* Ryan: -didn’t you read something in the-in a walkthrough its like once you unlock the llama you can…
Matt: Uhm… Ryan: Oh, shit, where’s he going? Ryan: *inhaling in surprise*
Matt: *unintelligible* Ryan: There’s a big- Oh, yeah, it gives me a banana!
Matt: The golden banana Ryan: I can go collect my big golden banana and enter that-
Ryan: Oh, and there’s- Duuude Matt: Headphones!
Ryan: Headphones, also there’s a balloon I saw floating around up here
Matt: Look at all these huge collectibles, man Matt: You’ve so many coconuts. I’m going crazy right now.
Ryan: I got my coconut gun, quick snipe! Fuck. *both laughing* Matt: Oh man… Matt: You know what sucks… uh… Matt: Justin the guy who has to edit our best dubs, you know it really sucks M: He has to watch every one of our videos. Ryan: I was talking to him about that Matt: He has to-, so he’s watching this right now. Ryan: I think he’s going crazy Matt: Like, he- that-that- just has to be- Ryan: Hey Justin put this in the best of you won’t- R: -pussy
Matt: He’s a pussy- but start with the start with the part where Ryan showed you the quick snipe, that was that was actually pretty funny Ryan: Yeah start with that part, and then you can end the part here. There we made your editing easier you stupid fuck- Matt: There you go Justin stop asking us, stop messaging us editing questions all the time-
Ryan: Fuck… Matt: -just, just, you never learn if you don’t try on your own all right? Matt: God, he’s frustrating,
Ryan: He keeps photoshopping me on like anime girls and sending it to me which is weird Matt: He’s got a confederate flag in his room. It’s really big into the heritage thing.
Ryan: I saw that, yeah Matt: I thought it was a-
Ryan: I thought it was a joke Ryan: Yeah, but he but he’s like- I shouldn’t have done this. I wanna cancel, I don’t want to do this Ryan: I don’t wanna play the bongos.
Matt: Why did you play the bongos?
Ryan: I didn’t mean to – it’s an accident! Relax.
Matt: God dude. Ryan: I’ve got this
Matt: You got it brother
Ryan: Where does this lead to? Ryan: Zipper me timbers!
Matt: *laughs* Matt: Now that’s a funny “Let’s Play” episode title.
Ryan: Zipper me-
Matt: Zipper me timbers?
Ryan: *laughs* Matt: Call this one “Zipper Me Timbers” Ryan. Please?
Ryan: Only for you Ryan: Where is-
Matt: For your old friend Matt? I like it Ryan: Oh shit. I’m scared. I dont wanna-
Matt: Run away from it. Ryan: Oh fuck! *screams* Ahh! Matt: It gotcha! Ryan: It’s because whenever like I’ve tried to turn the camera I accidentally do that shit Matt: You got it bro.
Ryan: Where am I going? Matt: Ryan I would kill for some Vegemite right now, man Ryan: You’re really into that aren’t you?
Matt: It’s so good. I just had it, like for the first time recently, like properly Matt: I had it in that mail opening video, and you squeezed it in my mouth, in like a large quantity M: -and it was disgusting.
Ryan: Is it better than Nutella? Ryan: Is it better than honey?
Matt: TBH I like it better than Nutella, it’s- it’s a different… type. Ya know- M: It’s savory and you put it in a very small quantity on some toast with some butter Ryan: Are you sure it’s not like that thing where it’s like you have something new that’s really good R: but it has to take a while to get into the ranks of like, is it better than this or that? Matt: Yeah- Ryan: I think is like whenever. I have a dip, I’m like R: “Oh, this is the greatest thing I’ve ever had!” And I wear it out, and then I’m like-
Matt: Yeah, Ryan: And I can then I can, kind of-
Matt: You know what if I had just had Nutella for the first time M: I probably would think it’s like the best thing ever,
Ryan: Yeah M: But I don’t really, like- When’s the last time- I rarely eat Nutella. Matt: You know?
It’s just so sweet, but Vegemite is- I love it, like people love it or hate it M: I think it’s really good
Ryan: *announcer style* Love it or hate it, Matt Watson loves it. It’s Vegemite! Matt: I love Vegemite dude! Vegemite should use me as a uhh.. that’s like a little like M: advertising piece.
Ryan: DUDE! Their sales would go up three thousand fold!
Matt: Everyone would be like “oh my god M: I have to buy Vegemite now because Matt, Matt Watson is from super mega is promoting it” Matt: Damn dude look at him dancing!
Ryan: He was bowin’.
Matt: He was, he was, he was bowing just for us, Ryan. Ryan: *southern accent, crying* Just for us, baby.
Matt: We should have clapped for him. We should have made him feel good about himself M: Why didn’t we?
Ryan: Because we’re assholes?
Matt: We are assholes. We’re seriously assholes man. No way around it. Ryan: That’s our…That’s R: What we are guys R: We’re nothing but a couple of buttholes!
Matt: Nothing but assholes. That’s us! Ryan: We should have a show called “Nothing But Buttholes”
Matt: And what would the show be? Ryan: It’s it’s just about our life Ryan: but it’s just called “Nothing But Buttholes.”
Matt: Oh, I thought it was actually gonna be nothing but buttholes. Ryan: *laughing* *speaking over each other*
Matt: Like, the show is just buttholes like over and over.
Ryan: Fuck this stupid fucker! Matt: Man what are the odds you-
*speaking over each other*
Ryan: I fuck myself?
M: You masturbate to completion while we’re recording this “Let’s Play” Ryan: Fuuu- Wrong one! And then I have to sit through this whole thing! Ryan: All I wanted to do, was pull out my gun-
Matt: Whoa dude take it easy!
Ryan: *laughing* Matt: Take it easy man. *Italian(?) accent* Take it easy Matt: This is not the answer. Ryan: Ready?
Matt: Hit it dude. Ryan: There *inhale of suprise*
Matt: Uh ohhhh Ryan: This is gonna be a fun fun temple full of fun fun.
Matt: This temple is gonna be so full of fun Matt: Uh, that it’s, gonna-
Ryan: You can’t you can’t even contain yourself. DUDE!
Matt: I can’t dude. Is that Lanky Kong? Ryan: He’s sexy as hell.
Matt: *reading dialogue over Ryan* Ryan: *reading dialogue* “Whoa there can you come in here and fuck me?” YES. Matt: That’s my favorite part of the game. Ryan: *laughing* You get to go in and fuck Lanky Kong?
Matt: Yeah *giggling* Ryan: Yeah, is he just- is he just down here? Matt: He spreads his little bottoms- Ryan: Where is he? I can’t see shit cuz of the camera.
Matt: Get that little purple crocodile dog thing out of here. Ryan: Can I not? Ryan: Oh, I think- I don’t think I can- hold on… *crinkling plastic* Ryan: What’s this dude?
*monkey in game screams* Ryan: Yeah, what that do?
Matt: I heard a chimp scream. Matt: One of my favorite sound effects.
Ryan: And this is located next to Funky Kong.
Matt: Next to number 4
Ryan: *laughing* Ryan: Got it…
Matt: “Next to number 15,” You know I’m drinking water through a water bottle right now M: And I’m not- I’m not even, I have not even taken the cap off M: That’s a riddle for the viewers how am I, how am I- look.
Ryan: How are you doing it? Matt: Drank water without taking the cap off.
Ryan: Can they answer this riddle? Matt: Leave your comments now M: You have 30 seconds to type and post your comments, and then you’ll see if you’re right.
Ryan: *high pitched nasally voice* “Riddle me this assholes!” Matt: Don’t go cheating. Don’t go typing- M: Don’t go typing it afterwards to look smart. Spank his bum bum!
Ryan: Spanking his bum bum.
Matt: Spank his little bum bum! Ryan: Okay, fuck you, dude. You don’t wanna even- He’s not paying me any attention after I saved him. Matt: He ain’t paying you no mind, dude.
Ryan: This camera is really taking me for a spin. Matt: Ah, jeez Ryan! M: You fell in the lava, and you’re perfectly fine!
Ryan: Watch this. Ryan: *low pitched* Oooohhh
*high pitched* Oooohhhh Ryan: Now what? Now what? What you gonna do son?
Matt: It’s gonna jump in the lava. Ryan: He’s gonna spit in there and make it water? R: That’s awesome. That makes sense. Thank you Matt: dude, oh- Ryan: *inhale in surprise* Oh shit!
Matt: Are you gonna swim down there? Ryan: *still in disbelief* Oh fuck yeah I’m gonna swim down there Matt: Your’e gonna swim, better put on your better put on your baggies! Ryan: Watch this dude is gonna be so epic!
Matt: Put on your swim trunks! M: Your swim shorts, your bathing suit! So many names for it.
Ryan: Okay. Now. I need to, that’s how I go down- Matt: Ah, It’s a fluid
Ryan: *whispering* Okay… Ryan: Here we go.
Matt: Here you go, bro Matt: What? There he is!
Ryan: Oh dude!
Matt: Hi Lanky!, Or, uh, yeah Lanky. Ryan: Don’t go down there Donkey Kong.
Matt: He’s like “Where you going? This is the part where you fuck me.”
Ryan: *laughing* Matt: Do you see after, I want what he looks like without his overalls Ryan: *giggles* Ryan: Look at him, dude.
Matt: *says “HELLO” in his impression of Lanky Kong” Ryan: We’re gonna fuck him now!
Matt: It’s time dude!
Ryan: Isn’t this your favorite character? Matt: Uhh..yeah, he is, I love how goofy is. He freaks me out a little bit, but-
Ryan: Come and find me in the tag barrel *long censor bleep* *both laughing hysterically*