El Juanito Reviews – Uma Musume Pretty Derby [Anime Horse Girls]
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El Juanito Reviews – Uma Musume Pretty Derby [Anime Horse Girls]

September 6, 2019


What up people? I’m your hommie Juanito, and this time it’s Horse Girls : Pretty Derby The Anime starts, with the mare protagonist, arriving to Tokyo from her ranch And you know how country people act when they arrive to a City like Japan’s Capital Turns out this filly got here to enter an Academy for Racing Horses, and her Dream is to be Japan’s Best Horse Girl So she arrives to the station where she has to get down but taking the train in the city is different than in her ranch If she was in Mexico, she’d jump over YOLO :v the policeman can’t catch her if he runs after her ._.) Unlike the Anime: Rail Wars! The Security Cadets go after 2 thugs, and they catch ’em And well, Special Week got down one station too soon but she can go to school running Her mom told her she must report on School by 6:00 PM, but she finds the racecourse in the way Let’s take a look, there’s time Outside the Stadium they sell merch of equine sprinters but everybody that if you go to a sporting event, you go to eat :B Here, The Uma Musume races are Mass Entertainment like Football, Baseball and Wrestlemania ‘cuz dude, besides the Olympics, what Track & Field event gets watched by so many people? and viewers say they know a lot, when they don’t even know who the athletes are, nor the rules of the game… Just like when they broadcast the SuperBowl in Mexico πŸ˜› so this gal is just getting to know the other horse girls, and she meets the most popular among the fans and some horse dude grabs her legs! Everybody knows it’s not a good idea to get behind one of those animals, and even worse to grab their hind legs the pervert didn’t had enough, and is acting like a dirty Idol Producer “Come with me babe, I will make you famous” all lies to get her ._.) Of course this filly knows there are lots of sexual predators in the city, so she goes away unlike women looking for a Sugar Daddy, and the 1st old man that want something with them, they follow Anyway, the race is about to start, but that annoying guy doesn’t leave her alone Is like those fat bastards that so much browsing adult websites already messed up their brains… and they go to Anime Conventions to stalk cosplayers they get on to them like if the girls with costumes owe them a blowie just ‘cuz they like their Facebook page And those 455holes even complain if she ignores them “I was looking for a Honest friendship”, but as soon as they realize they’re not getting out of the friendzone They call her a female dog and all sort of stuff Man! If some fukcer looks like a horny muther****, he will be rejected faster than the one who won this race And it’s just that there are dimwits that think that just because a girl accepted a snickers bar from them she already wants pictures of their weenies and sh*t and they even wonder why they can’t get a girlfriend ._.) like this dude telling her, that with her legs she can can beat Silent Suzuka This guy… Not even The Undertaker took so many kicks to the jaw when he fought Shawn Michaels Turns out that after the race, the top 3 places get on Stage for the Winning Live Look at the fans, they even got glowing stick and everything You know idols are all the hype right now, so this series couldn’t be left behind Hey, don’t you think is kinda weird to have 3 athletes singing after running like a zebra escaping from a lion? I mean, after ending almost throwing up their lungs, they want an idol performance, with choreography and everything Let’s see, I need an idol’s opinion I’m here with CritiCrista Rosia from Show by Rock What’s up -nya? Are you a better neko idol than Miku from IdolMaster Cinderella Girls? Who is more nya? My cat ears are real, she wears a diadem Turn around to see your tail What do you think about the Horse Girls as idols? They’re so dry on stage, move-nya What is your advice to them? Focus on running, as idols you don’t have a chance What are your Cat Powers? I’m kawaii and fluffy and can sleep 16 hours a day Didn’t you have to get to the Academy before if got dark? Well, she runs at 44mph, she can say “I’ll get there in 5 minutes” Watch her, late on her first day. Very nice… OK Bro, if you now feel like going fast on a track, check out the Anthology Racing Bundle from Fanatical, the store where I get my Steam Keys on Sale You save a lot of $$$ buying their Bundles That’s right Socky. Games like the Batman Arkham series with all DLCs, were cheaper than a night out with my GF This Pack with 15 games would be over $120 buying each one separate, here is just $2.99 You spent more when you go out to eat tacos. Also Check Out FlatOut Complete Pack, now 80% off But if besides crashing into other cars you want to shoot rockets at them like in Twisted Metal, buy Gas Guzzlers Extreme Gold Pack This is Vehicular Combat at its Best And talking about Rally Races, I recommend Baja Edge of Control HD, the best Rally game I’ve played Colin McRae DiRT SOCKS in comparison Yeah, those aren’t all that, it’s more fun to drive a Beetle with smooth tires and a broken clutch Driving a Bug in Baja is Awesome Word man. The game starts HARD, and the second-hand Herbie you get at first, even I can overtake just by walking But wait a little and get gud, ‘cuz as soon as you get inside a buggie, this game gets addictive loco Be warned that it is as hard as Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed in 3 Stars Difficulty I played it for over 40 hours, in order to get all Gold Cups I had to play each race over and over again There’s more Challenge here than in F-Zero GX for GameCube. Or Codemaster’s Fuel in Legend and besides the fact that Career Mode will have you busy for a longer time than any Arcade Racing title… it has split screen multiplayer mode for 4, which is almost extinct in modern games and up to 16 guys can play a Rally OnLine Let me tell you something, when I first got into it, I was getting frustrated ‘cuz I didn’t understand how the drifting and fast start using the clutch worked and there’s no Turbo like in FlatOut that, and while you don’t earn enough prize cash to pimp your ride, forget about getting higher than 5th place But it’s all about getting the hang of it It is more simulation than Ultimate Carnage, BurnOut, MX vs ATX and those Monster Truck Arcade titles I was this close of dropping the game, but I said “No, I will get 1st Place at least one time, I won’t quit” And once I finally figured out how the controls works, man… Time to play 100 tracks with all vehicle clases If you recklessly drive in the mini truck, you’ll get turned the sock over That’s right Socky, and in the little cars if you fly all the way up and don’t land on all 4 wheels, you can blow one tire and break the radiator But let me tell you dude, I was all about Mario Kart and Sega All-Stars Racing Transformed, but I really got into Baja Go try it out if you want a fun Rally game with Challenge another one with similar Gameplay is Milestone’s Gravel, but that one feels more Arcade Yep, but games like Dakar 18 and MX vs ATV All Out, become so realistic they don’t entertain The good one is MX vs ATV Reflex – Worthy Opponent of Excite Bike 64 Man! Nintendo Switch needs an HD remake of it, with additional tracks But no! We only got a single track in Mario Kart 8 But in PC, we recommend all these racers On the Video Description Below is the link so you get it in Fanatical if you’re not really into racing, buy a zombie game, so we can continue El Juanito Reviews – Zombie Land Saga So you have something to play between Christmas and New Year’s Eve ‘cuz the rest of the year you don’t even have time to FAP without worries I think if we get a dozen games sold, we can continue with Chapter 2 so if you want more Horse Girls, you know what to do. Buy one of these games, and next time will have Link or Malon calling Epona and if you’re not a PC Game, please share this video Back to the pony, an elder mare opens the door, and tells her to sleep on the living room so she learns to be on time The next day, someone from the school staff takes her to the classroom, and she meets the rest of the horse girls The just transfered arrives like she’s the next big thing “The Corral’s Alpha Mare” And here she screws it Wow, at school you can’t mess up like that ‘cuz then all make fun of you anyway, the group introduce themselves, and they all got weird names like “Special Week” And this one instead of a barnyard, seems to belong to a ring She looks like Rainbow Mika from Street Fighter the masked one turns out to be American, and can tell the new one is a country pumpkin, so asks her where she comes from At least here the protagonist is already great, and her motivation is to be The Best ‘cuz she wants to unlike Shonen Anime, where some dumb country kid goes to highschool at the big city, and joins a sport club to impress a girl The thing here, it seems Horse Girls don’t have another line of work, they have to dedicate to racing Maybe Special Week wants to be a chef and bake the best carrot cake ever but ever since she could run, her mom has been telling her to be Japan’s Number 1 Horse Girl In this Academy, every student must be part of a team with its own trainer Spe-chan wants to enter the one with the girl that won the race she watched at the stadium so she goes take the test But Haru Urara & El Condor Pasa also want to enter that team since it’s the best in school and will only take one more student and they will not be defeated easily at least they send her to do something. Back in the day, country people learned how to farm vegetables and rise animals and whoever didn’t like it went to school, and studied hard, ‘cuz failing meant going back to grow tomatoes and break your back all day in the fields below the sun if things where still like that, Mexico wouldn’t be the 5th country in the world with more NEETs Everybody gathered to witness the event, even that dude who seems to want another kick to da face The rookie is checking if Silent Suzuka is among the viewers, and does’t realize when they open the gates Look at that… Only misses with this horse girl And the others are like “Check out the novice, such a noob, she should’ve stayed in the country races, this are the Major Leagues” Then the chestnut thoroughbred gets there, and the novice copies her gallop style to pass the others She runs like when your girlfriend tells you her folks aren’t home and wants to netflix & chill Man, just yesterday I was going to a party with my pal “Macaw”, I ask him if he had Axe Body Spray to smell good for chicks I went on to search his drawers, and I found a lube tube, and I don’t think he uses by himself ‘cuz that man can’t get a girl even if his life depends on it and in his parties I only see dudes getting drunk until the sunrise They reunite to “Watch Movies” The Pretty Derby is more popular than Mario Kart She didn’t get 1st Place I’m gonna play with the waifu :3 but the stalker that took her time from when she left the gates, knows that she can beat the dark bay horse girl just like in the Boxing Anime “Fighting Spirit”, when Ippo lifts up a sandbag with a punch, Takamura knows he’s champion material Since the talent scout can’t let her get into another team, he sends his trainees to get her Oh, so THEY can get a girl inside a sack an nobody complains but if it was my hommie Bandana-kun trying to get a girl into a pillowcase, he’ll get locked up Turns out, there was the one she wanted as a teammate, who has just changed teams Trainer-san says that with his coaching, she will become The Best Horse Girl of Japan and the dude believes her, unlike the mares from the test race and well, Suzuka must be there for a reason so she ends up joining Trainer-san wants to waste no time, and tells her she will debut next week! Right now! Let’s see what you’re made of

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