Elephants Want To Mate In Private Too | Barbaric Tales From The Serengeti
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Elephants Want To Mate In Private Too | Barbaric Tales From The Serengeti

October 25, 2019


INSECTS CHIRP ELEPHANTS RUMBLE IRISH ACCENT: Oh, I tell you, I have had it up to the back teeth
with being herd leader. “Geoff, what are you going to
do about the poachers?” “Geoff, when are we migrating?” “Geoff, wipe my fucking arse.” IRISH ACCENT: Come with me. Let’s
get away from the herd. Why? SHE GIGGLES
Linda? Hey, shush, not in front
of the calves. Of course not. What about over there
by those rocks? Ah… It’s not working. Just take your time, don’t worry.
I think I’m too wound up. Just try. You’re going to gently caress
me with your manly trunk while I give you a…
SHE WHISPERS You are a dirty, dirty girl. Oh, hello, sailor! Oh, yes. Oh, yes! Oh, Geoff! Elephant reproduction, take one.
Action. This is a great shot, man.
Oh, shit, yeah. They’re doing it. What the fuck?
Just ignore them, Geoff. You’ve got me all hot
and bothered now. This particular male appears
hesitant and unsure. Perhaps it is his first time. What?! Also his appendage, though by now
fully rigid, seems to be somewhat shorter
than average. Eh? Indeed, it is rather bent
and malformed. Fuck off! In desperation,
the male clumsily perseveres, flailing his now atrophied
shaft at the female, whose rampant posterior is actually
steaming in the early morning chill. Fucking… Come here! Chop chop, Tyrone! If I get hold of yous wankers,
you’re dead! You hear me? Dead! Come on, Geoff, just ignore them. There’s nothing wrong with
my willy, is there? No. You have a lovely willy. It’s not bent, it’s curved. Let’s do it here, behind
these rocks. Very discreet. HE GRUNTS
Come on, baby. That’s it. Elephant reproduction, take two! Oh, for Christ’s sake! Once again, the male has clambered
on top of the reluctant female. You can almost feel the heat
from the female’s cavernous vulva. Oh, right!
Come here, you fucking fuck! Chop chop and away, Tyrone.
Ah, shit! Come back! Geoff! Geoff! Come on! Bastards! Let’s try again another day, hey? We’d better get back to the herd. INSECTS CHIRP
SNORING Hey, Geoff, the steam is rising
again. Right. Here we go!
THUDDING See, told you there was nothing
wrong with your apparatus. ELECTRONIC WHINE
Did you hear that? No. Look, can we hurry this it up
a bit, please? Elephant reproduction, take three! You have got to be kidding! Perhaps the forgiving inky blackness
will embolden our subject, allowing him to finally get
a decent-size bone on. You utter bastards! Chop chop and away, Tyrone. I swear I will get you, if it’s
the last thing I fucking do! SNIFFING Ha-ha… What the…? LONDON ACCENT: Oi! What the fuck
do you think you’re doing?! POSH: Hm! Such tender flanks. Oh, you’re a feisty little miss! I’m a fucking bloke,
you blind old git! That’s all right – I swing
both ways, don’t you know? Very broad-minded! Um, hello, Roger.
Hm? What? Who’s that? It’s Geoff, the herd leader. Oh, young Geoffrey.
So nice to sniff you. My eyes aren’t what
they used to be, what! Listen, Roger, I’ve got
a little proposition for you. Oh, yes? Yeah. Well, my wife Linda
and I were thinking about spicing things up a bit, you know. Experimenting a little,
if you get my drift. Good Lord! Well, I… I must say, I never knew you two
were so broad-minded. Count me in, sir! Right. We’ll meet
you down at the river marsh at noon. I’ll be there! Why do we have to do it over
here? Yuck, it’s all wet and boggy. Look, babe, I’ve got a plan to get
rid of those pesky humans once and for all. But I’m going to have to ask you
to do something for me. OK. It’s a little unusual. I can’t just go on demand! Well, think about
tinkling water. Monsoon rains. It’s on the way. Here it comes. Right. I’ll just get my trunk
a little bit closer. It’s cold! OK, brace yourself. SPLASHING Come on, let’s get out in the open
and start doing it. Right, any minute now. ENGINE ROARS Elephant reproduction, take four. Hey, what’s wrong with his trunk? Oh, what the fuck? It stinks!
Shit, my camera’s ruined, man. I think we’d better beat
a hasty retreat, Tyrone. Oh, shit. We’re stuck. Ha-ha. Got you! Come on, Linda, let’s get a safe
distance away and watch the show. I don’t want to worry you guys, but
we’ve got a big bull incoming. Is that pervy Roger?
What’s he doing here? ROGER SNIFFS Why is he sniffing us? God, look at his cock. It’s huge. It’s like a gnu. Oh, Linda! ROGER TRUMPETS My God. Magnificent! THUDDING
ROGER GRUNTS AND GROANS He is shagging that Jeep to shite. Oh, my God. I think he’s going to… HE TRUMPETS GEOFF SIGHS
What a peaceful day. Come on, we’ve got some serious
unfinished business to attend to. I’ve got you all to myself. And you’re sure there is nothing
wrong with my…? No way. That’s amazing. Don’t stop. Don’t stop what? You know, the thing
you’re doing with your trunk. God, it’s incredible. I’m not doing anything with
my trunk. Look, it’s right here. But if you’re not, then… ..who? ROGER CHUCKLES Room for one more on top?
LINDA SHRIEKS Oh, Roger! # Just another day # On the fucking Serengeti. #

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  1. I picture this short happening in an anthropomorphized universe where two elephants (a bull and cow) are trying to have sex, only to be constantly interrupted by a documentary film crew who are itching to get some good animal porn. After getting fed up with the film crew's hovering for the last 6 times, the young elephant bull goes to ask his girlfriend's parents for help, which the two older elephants agree to do. The moment the film crew tries to film them again, the older elephant couple surprise the unaware humans and begin 'romping' until they 'explode their juices' on the poor unfortunate souls. A few days later, when the young bull and cow decide to have sex again, the cow's parents ask if they could join in, which the bull happily says, "the more romping, the merrier." After the credits roll, we cut to the four elephants in many unfathomable positions before it cuts to them orgasming and collapsing on the ground. They all admit it was awesome and that they should do more of it sometime later. What are your thoughts on this?

  2. Every time at the end of these small movies, One of the movie participators mumbles quietly “Just another day on the f'ing serengeti.“ or “Just heading for my dream, why does anyone want to watch this?“

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