Glue the Horse Gets a Job (and Awakens to Class Consciousness)

October 16, 2019

Glue The Horse: Boy oh boy. I’m so hungry, I could eat a human being. But I don’t have any food. I gotta find something to eat. Ooh, what luck has befallen me! It’s an enormous bag of horse food. Oh boy oh boy oh boy… Frank The Capitalist: Not so fast there, pony boy. This here happens to be my enormous bag of horse food and I ain’t giving it away for free. Not to you or anybody else. Glue: Oh gee, Frank the Capitalist. I’m afraid I don’t have any money. I am but a simple workhorse who has fallen on hard times. Frank: Yeah, save your sob story for someone who gives a crap, buster. Now beat it before I… Wait. You’re a workhorse, you say? Glue: That’s right. I love to work and I’m real good at it, too. Well, I could probably work all day if I weren’t so hungry. Frank: Huh, what a coinkidink. I just happened to have a field that needs plowing. If you could plow it for me, I’ll give you an entire scoop of this horse food. What do you say? Glue: Well, that sounds like a square deal to me. Sign me up! Karl Marx-Chan: Not so fast, Frank the Capitalist. Frank: Oh, no, it’s Karl Marx-Chan. I told you to skedaddle, you overstuffed hairball. Karl: Glue, this man is trying to swindle you! Glue: He is? Frank: Of course not, that’s a bunch of baloney. I’m just trying to give a hungry horse a well-paying job. Karl: Well-paying, eh? How much horse food were you planning to give him to plow your field? Frank: Well, I’m gonna give him a whole scoop and that’s good money for this line of work. Glue: It sounds fair to me. Mr. Marx-Chan. Well, I bet I could plow that whole field in one day. And like I said, I sure am hungry. Karl: Just hold on a second. Frank, you say you’ll pay Glue one scoop of horse food to take care of one field. And just how many crops will you get from that field? Frank: Well, I can’t say exactly, maybe one or two wagon loads? Eh, what’s it to you anyway? Karl: One or two wagon loads? You could trade that for an enormous bag of horse food, Glue. Glue: Well jeepers! I’d sure love to have my very own enormous bag of horse food. Karl: Well, that’s what your labor is actually worth, Glue. But this capitalist here wants to rob you of your surplus labor values. Glue: Surplus labor value? What’s that? Frank: Hey, don’t worry about that, kiddo. This bozo is just trying to confuse you with fancy words. Karl: I’m doing no such thing. I’m trying to educate you about the nature of capitalism. Frank here intends to pay you one mere scoop of horse food for a job that’s worth an enormous bag of horse food. Frank: Yeah, I’m a business man. You can’t expect me to run a business without making a profit. Glue: Well, that sounds reasonable to me. I mean, it is his field I’ll be plowing, after all. Frank: Yeah, see? Nobody’s buying what you’re selling, Whiskas. So scram! Karl: That field is the means of production. The means of production are the expensive invaluable resources needed to produce goods. And the means of production should belong to the workers. If Glue here is the one doing all the hard work of plowing and harvesting the crops, Why, he should receive 100% of the value that results from the sweat of his brow. Frank: That field’s been in my family for generations. Why should I give it to some flea-bitten horse, just because he works on it for a few months? Glue: Flea-bitten? Karl: If you want to share the reward so much, Frank, then why not roll up your sleeves and plough the field yourself? Frank: I’ll have you know, I’m a very busy man. I have a lot of businesses to manage and all of those businesses are creating jobs, Frank: for hungry puppets like this fleabag right here. Glue: I don’t have fleas… Karl: You’re not creating jobs for puppets, Frank. You’re exploiting them. Frank: What a load. Capitalism is a perfectly fair system. I build a business, I get rewarded. If there were no rewards for doing business, then society would fall apart. Nobody would do any work at all! Karl: If that were true, then capitalism would have fallen apart ages ago, because under capitalism the people who work the hardest get the least reward and lazy capitalists who do no work at all, like yourself, get disgustingly wealthy. Glue: Oh, I don’t have fleas, do I? My left ear does get a little itchy sometimes. Karl: Try to focus here, Glue. Glue: Well, sorry. Mr. Marx-Chan. So, what you’re saying is that… capitalism is the system where the people who do the most work get the least… and the people who do the least work get the most? Frank: Hogwash! I work with my mind. I didn’t go to puppet business school just so I can roll around in the dirt, pulling a plow all day. Karl: And how did you get that fancy education, Frank? You are a privileged capitalist, that’s how! You inherited wealth from your parents, who inherited their wealth and so on for generations! Meanwhile, most working puppets have to toil and struggle, day in and day out, just to make ends meet. They just don’t have the luxuries you have to pull themselves out of poverty. Frank: I don’t feel sorry for a bunch of lazy schmoes who waste all their time and money instead of doing something with their lives. There are lots of self-made millionaires out there who started with absolutely nothing. If this kid wants his own enormous bag of horse food, all he’s got to do is pull himself up by his own horseshoe straps. Karl: That is a faulty generalization, Frank. Logical Fallacy Puppet: Faulty generalization fallacies involve drawing a conclusion about something on the basis of a small and biased sampling. Karl: Just because a small fraction of puppets have been able to pull themselves out of poverty, does not mean that every poor working puppet has that opportunity. If you buy a lottery ticket, there’s a chance you might win, but you’re much more likely to lose. Do we really want to build our society in the shape of a casino? Glue: Well golly, Frank. Mr. Marx-Chan kinda has a point. Well, I could work all day every day for you and you’d only give me enough horse food to survive. How could I ever get ahead that way? Karl: You cannot, Glue. Just like the vast majority of workers, you will be trapped in poverty for the rest of your life while parasites like Frank grow rich and fat off of your labor. Glue: My horseshoes don’t even have straps. Frank: All right, I’ve had it up to here with this rabble-rousing Bolshevism. Do you want this scoop of horse food or not, steeplechase? Glue: Well gee, Mr. Marx-Chan. I don’t want to be exploited, honest, but I really am hungry. I think I have to work for Mr. Frank or else I might just starve. Karl: Well, that’s all right, Glue. The important thing is that you’ve started to develop class consciousness. You might have to submit to capitalism for the time being to put food in your trough. But now, you know you’re getting a bad deal and you can start joining forces with your fellow workers to resist capitalism. Frank: Enough jibber-jabber! Get to plowing, Seabiscuit, or you’re fired. Glue: Oh, I guess I got to get to work right now. Mr. Marx-Chan. Well, thanks for awakening me to class consciousness. Karl: It was my pleasure, Glue, and take heart, for the victory of the proletariat is inevitable. Frank: Yeah, giddyap horsey, and don’t come back ’til your work’s done. Karl: So itchy… Frank: What’s getting into you, Garfield? Something wrong? Karl: I think that friggin horse gave me fleas… Emerican Johnson: Hi everybody, hope you enjoyed today’s video. If you did, can you give it a big thumbs up? If you want to awaken your class consciousness, you can read the Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels. There’s a link in the description or you can visit your local library. Karl: Thanks for watching, everybody!

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