Hello, DanandPhilGames jockeys. And we don’t mean disks. Wicka-wicka-no. P: Nooo. Keeping the pastel vibe going.
D: You can see I reverted back to my old ways. P: You’ve got a little bit of pastel purple there. D: A tiny ray of hope.
P: Little bit. Is that your nipple? D: That’s quite.. I really have a problem with you just sat there going, “Nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple, woo!” So Dan, you have chosen the game today. What’s happening? Yes! Well, there are lots of games on the AppStore that are made in Japan that you can download around the world. My favourite kind! And as we all know, Japan is weird af with their strange sense of humor and the anime and the moral sex stuff D: that you can’t relate to.
P: I’d say it’s more endearing and cool. So today, we are playing a dating simulator of sorts. No Yandere, this isn’t scary, this is just wholesome. Alright. However, it’s between a woman and a horse. Today, we are playing Uma Pri, also known as “My Horse Prince.” P: Wh- a woman dating a horse?
D: We are playing a horse dating simulator. Is this legal? This is something that, um, I had recommended to me around Christmas, and may have played privately. P: So this is your favourite game that you play every night in bed.
D: A bit. But I thought today, we could go through the adventure together. So the first step is we need to enter the name. Now the protagonist is called Umako. So is this the name of the horse? No, of the- of the main character. You play the girl, P: Oh, so you-
D: because you are dating the horse. It’s “my horse prince.” Oh! Okay, right. So the girl can be called.. we can’t call her Susan again. Susan, no. But we could call her SusanKun. Is that offensive? Who knows? SusanKun! Ooh, I like that magical sprinkle of noise. There’s a lot of magical segues in this. So, here we are! Oh! What a pleasant meadow. Let’s see what happens. *Dan reads the screen* Is this the voice of the girl? Because I think you need a girl voice here. *Dan continues to read in a slightly higher-pitched voice* P: Yeah.
D: I think we can all relate to that. *continues reading* P: Is that so bad?
D: Professional. I dunno. This is gonna hurt my voice. *reads in his normal voice again* “My prince would never come being stuck in that stuffy old place.” *more reading* D: Ooh, are you ready? Here we go.
P: Oh, I’m ready. My Horse Prince! P: So she’s gonna fall in love with an animal?
D: Well, Phil, you’re gonna see. You’re gonna see. “Episode 1: The First Gallop.” D: Now,
P: What is this game, Dan? This is SusanKun right here. D: What a pleasant, relatable girl.
P: Pastel bloused. P: She’s feeling-
D: I’m sure- yeah, you know, just the, kind of, everyday character we can all put ourselves in the perspective of. If she’s gonna fall in love with a horse, I’m not thinking she’s a respectable girl. D: Well, you need to see for yourself. First, okay?
P: Okay. *Dan reading* Now, I think you can, uh, voice this guy. *Phil reads in a grumbly voice* I love that it just looks like a drawing, compared to her. *reading the screen* ‘Cause, you know, if the office isn’t putting it out there, then maybe there’s some hot jockeys. P: She just came to a ranch to look for hot guys?
D: She literally just went, P: Is that where you go?
D: “Hi, nice to meet you. Any hot guys around here?” I mean, commendable, sure, Susan. P: Maybe he’s into it.
D: Susan is thirsty. *more reading* Sure, I mean, why not like it? She hates horses! Not here for the horses, just here for the jock. P: Where’s this gonna go then?
D: SusanKun has priorities. *reading* Okay. What? D: That-
P: What is that? is the horse. Why has it got a boy’s face? *reads enthusiastically* I’m so confused. *more reading* Yuuma, totally. *reading* P: “I heard that weird girls born in the year of the horse-“
D: Oh, my God, it’s fruit basket. There’s a zodiac magic- D: Oh, but for- I thought it, like, it was a horse with a prince’s head.
P: Yes. This is making her seem like her zodiac goggles- D: and it’s just a horse.
P: It’s just a horse, P: and she’s seeing it as something else.
D: That means that it is just a horse. Is she gonna start making out with a horse? Okay, this just got, like, way more re-effed up in my head. Anyway, back in the immersive story, *reading* “Don’t worship me!” *laughs* Yeah, so Phil, now you have to do your best guy that’s like, “What’s going on?” So you have to do a hair flip. *in a somewhat sultry voice* What’s goin’ on? Dreamy voice. I got that. *more reading* A bit more cuter, ’cause he’s, like, he’s gentle. *even more reading* P: This is quite funny, though.
D: See, this is what I wanted you to see- This game isn’t just, like, a weird game, it’s actually, like, D: super ironic and funny.
P: It has a sense of humour. D: So it knows that this is weird, and that’s the whole point.
P: Okay. P: I’m getting with it.
D: So, it’s not laughing at it, D: it’s really laughing with it.
P: I’m into it. *dramatic reading* D: “Like me?!”
P: IT’S A HORSE, SUSAN! *intense reading* *Phil whinnies*
D: Good one, Phil. *more reading* I’ve gotta stop doing what I’m told. P: So is this the- *laughs*
D: Here we are. P: Is this the gameplay?
D: Welcome to the gameplay. Mission start! *reading* “Be careful, he’ll lose energy if you feed him too many.” “You get a different amount of points depending on his energy level.” P: “You can restore his energy by talking to him.”
D: Ooh. *reading* Both: “Okay, have fun!” D: Here you are, Phil. Welcome to the gameplay.
P: Yay! Basically, there’s a bar at the top. When you fill the bar, you get to the next story chapter. P: Look at him walking!
D: And the gameplay is the thrilling action of doing the activity, which in this case is tapping carrots to feed him. P: I mean, he’s quite a dreamy anime character. I can see the confusion.
D: You can see the confusion. D: Really it’s a complex drama about moral gray zones.
P: And he’s quite a meaty horse as well. I’m just saying. Okay. I expected a few episodes before we started empathising with SusanKun. P: Yeah. Shall I press some carrots?
D: Yep. Feed him. P: Okay, here we go- *laughs*
D: There he goes! D: Munching those cars.
P: Wow. D: You have to do the voice, Phil.
P: Okay. *reading* P: Just eat the carrots!
D: Now as you’ll see, the more carrots you eat, the less the energy goes. P: Oh, okay.
D: You’ll fail the mission if he dies. I kind of want some now. Come on. *reading* Um, what does he usually feed him? That’s so weird. “Today?” So, what you do to speed up his energy, is you talk to him. P: Oh, okay.
D: Tap that. D: Here we go.
P: Hey, horsey. D: Time for some dating sim. Ooh. “What do you think of carrots?” D: Now, you get three options, Phil.
P: Oh my God. One of them is the horse prince’s preferred answer. P: Shall I do my preferred answer?
D: You can either piss him off and make him sad, make him, like, okay happy or, make him super happy. I want make him super happy. Yeah, that’s the whole point of this. You can choose to be honest with yourself, or say what you think the horse prince wants you to be. I want to say ‘I like their orange color,’ because I think they are an interesting coloured vegetable. Go on then, see how he reacts. *Phil reading the screen* Both: Excellent D: Phil, well done!
P: Yes! D: That was the plus thirty answer, there you go.
P: He loves me! Right, now if you get him to, like, above 80, he gets, like, double points, D: so you can try-
P: I love how much you know about this. Oh God, I do, don’t I? *Dan reading the screen* D: He’s a grand horse, lady, what do you expect?
P: Eat those carrots! Talk to him again, try to get him to that winning zone. Okay. “Do you like ranches?” Both: ooo “I do,” “not really,” or “yeah, just not this place.” I mean he lives on a ranch, so surely “I do.” D: Let’s see.
P: “I do.” *Phil reading the screen* Both: “Excellent!” Phil, you have a natural affinity with anthropomorphic horses. P: I could date a human horse in a second.
D: Right, one more time. D: Let’s go for 95%.
P: Okay. D: It’s gonna be incredible, okay?
P: Come on, come on. “What’s the weather gonna be like tomorrow?” D: Ooh, don’t mess this up.
P: “Sunny, of course,” “I think it’s going to rain,” “Cloudy, I guess.” Now think. If you’re a horse prince, and you want him to fall in love with you, Do you want to be really optimistic all the time? Do you want to be a bit mysterious? Do you want to play hard to get? P: I think-
D: What’s the vibe you want to send him? Maybe he’ll get sunburn, so maybe I’ll be like, “Cloudy, I guess.” I feel like the comma’s like, “Cloudy, I guess.” (unsure tone) but then it’s like, “Sunny, of course!”(enthusiastic tone) or “I think it’s going to rain.”(melancholic tone) D: What- what is it?
P: I think “It’s going to rain.” ’cause then his crops will get watered and he’ll have more carrots to eat. Bold choice. *Phil reading the screen* D: Oh, my God, Phil. What the hell?
P: I did it! I did it! D: You’re amazing.
P: I am the ultimate horse dater. P: He’s steaming. What does that mean? D: That means that he’s just, like, he’s super energetic. P: Oh, my God.
D: Chow down some carrots. P: What does he want to do?
D: Just eat. P: Why is he so steamy?
D: He’s- Because of the activity, which is eating carrots, Phil. P: I worried he was like-
D: This is not the Sims; he’s not having a steamy shower. P: I worried he was like Dil.
D: No. P: So can I feed him more?
D: Yeah, tap tap the shit out of those carrots. P: Oh, my God. He ate them all in one mouthful.
D: And there we go. *neighing noise* *Phil reading the screen* D: There we go. P: So now are we gonna kiss? D: Um maybe, I don’t know. Where’s the story going? *Phil reading the screen* I don’t know what this voice is. I think it’s a good voice. *Dan reading the screen* D: Susan, you trash bag, keep it together.
P: Susan, calm down. *reading the screen* D: Oh my God, the jockey bailed!
P: What? *reading* P: “If only there was someone who could look after him.”
D: I wonder where this is going. Susan, don’t take him into your house! *reading* D: He’s- wow. *makes weird sound effect* Wow.
P: Calm down. P: What is he doing?
D: He’s zazzed from the carrots. I think that’s what it is. *reading* P: Did he just head-butt her?
D: They made contact. *Phil laughs* What am I looking at? This feels so wrong. Oh my God, he smashed the wall? Is this romantic or scary? *in a sultry voice* “Hey.” *Dan laughs* “Huh? What’s happening?” *reading* *gulp* *reading* Both: Oh, my God. D: Oh, my God. I can’t handle this.
P: You’ve got to say yes! *reading* I feel a bit creepy now. *reading* D: I’d be, like, terrified.
P: Oh! *reading* D: It’s dangerous being in love with a horse.
P: Yes. *reading* No, you own the horse forever! *reading* P: How does this game end, is what I wanna know.
D: What could it be? Both: Ooh! P: Episode Two!
D: Next episode. See the little farmer guy? That tuxedo there. Important character. *reading* D: I wanna go back to the city. This is weird. Nope.
P: She wants to get out of it. *reading* P: Why is he pixelated? What’s he doing?
D: I guess it’s a spoiler of the next episode. P: Okay.
D: Here we go. *reading* D: Here we go. All right.
P: I’m ready for this. *reading* P: Why is it saying that?
D: That’s the name of the game. Oh. *obnoxiously sings* My Horse Prince! D: They’ve nailed the dreamy aesthetic of this.
P: They have. D: I mean, how in deep are you at this point in the video? Are you like,
P: I wanna see what happens. “This is weird, no, help,” or are you like, “This is funny. I appreciate the funny writing,” or are you just like, “YuumaKun… HIT ME WITH YOUR HOOVES!!!” D: Right, right, right. This, after this episode, is when I stopped playing,
P: Yeah? and I thought, we need to do this on the gaming channel. If you wanna know what happens next, we could do another one. Yeah, I mean, I- I thought this would be quite funny just to show people that this insane, weird game exists, but, if you want us to end this, you know, go all the way, P: All the way to the end.
D: Shouldn’t have said “all the way,” D: as well. With this story, let us know.
P: Thumb it up if you want us to. P: Click subscribe to our channel if you wanna see more horsey adventures.
D: The future of this horse romance. P: Our last-
D: If it didn’t disturb you too much. Yeah, our last video’s over there, our channels are here, and remember, don’t fall in love with horses. ‘Cause apart form the zodiac magic, you are just making out with an animal, and that’s, like, illegal and stuff, so we’re kink-shaming you right there. Goodbye! *neighs*