How to Change the Way You See Yourself | Rock Thomas | Goalcast
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How to Change the Way You See Yourself | Rock Thomas | Goalcast

August 17, 2019


– I had to feed 22 horses every morning before I earned the
right to have breakfast. Imagine an 8.5-year-old kid
getting up in the dark in Canada and going outside and
opening the barn door, and I remember, there
would be like 30 rats every time I opened the barn door, and they would scurry around, and I would hope that none
of them would stay around. And, one time I went back
to the house and I said, “Dad, can you come with me?” And he locked the door and he says, “Go out and do your chores. And don’t come back until they’re done.” It was kinda the beginning
of me realizing that I wasn’t in a supportive environment. And I learned one thing,
and one thing only, is that if I was willing to work hard, then I could get my dad’s attention. I remember waking up, I was
about 13 or 14 years old, and this was the day
my dad had promised me it was gonna be yes. This was the day we were
gonna play together. We were gonna throw the
football back and forth, and I was super excited. I popped out of my bed
and I ran down the stairs, and I saw my father where he always is. His ankle is chained to the desk. But as I got closer, I
knew something was wrong. It was like I could feel there
was a heaviness in the air and I started to get nervous. And I went, “Dad?” And went, “Yes?” I went, “Uh, you ready to go play?” And the weirdest thing
happened is he turned, he looked at me, and I
felt myself shrinking down. And he stood up, and this shadow
cast over me, and he goes, “Do you have any idea what it takes to put food on the table?” Do you think that this roof
just puts itself there? Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know? One day you’re gonna have
to work hard for money. Now, get out and play on your
own before I put you to work.” And I turned around and I walked out, and I never asked him again to play, ever. I don’t have one memory of
playing with my dad, not one. The only way I connected with him was when he was working
around the house doing chore, I’d say, “Dad, can I help you?” I’d hand him the nails, or
I’d hold the measuring tape. It was the only way. He never once, he never
came to my hockey games. He dropped me off in the
car and stayed in the car. All the other parents
were tying the skates, I was there alone. I would try to score as
many goals as I could so I could go and then tell
him I scored the winning goals so he’d want and come
look, but he never did. I remember winning honors in school for academic achievement,
looking out in the crowd hoping to see my dad,
but he was never there. So the only solace I had was to work hard. So, I doubled down on that. And I worked hard. And, I’d call him out to
look at the task being done and invariably, it was never good enough. So, I doubled down again and work harder. It didn’t feel good at the time. But, in life if you do what is easy, life will be difficult. But, if you do what is
difficult, life will be easy. I got the difficult part out front. And I got really good at it. By the time I was 14, I saved up enough money to get a scooter. By the time I was 16 I had my first car. By the time I was 17, I
thought; you know what? I’m outta here, this sucks. I mean, I could go out and
make four times the amount of money living on my own even if I have to pay rent, I don’t care. So, I moved out, I drove a taxi. I did carpentry, I cut
lawns, I washed windows, I did anything that was hard work. Because that’s all I knew. Then, my life changed. I got a call from my stepmom and she said, “You’re dad has cancer.” So, I jumped on a plane and
I did everything I could. I took care of the house. He said to me he had some back taxes from Canada that were unpaid. I said, “Yes, I’ll pay them for you”. I did everything I possibly could. I remember the day I had to leave to back to take care of my family, I
had a young son at the time. And they had nothing left. And I asked my dad, he was
probably about 98 pounds, Laying in the bed, and I said, “Dad, can you think of a
time when I made you proud?” and I’m thinking to myself, my
god, there was a whole bunch. I was almost a millionaire by that time. I had done so many things, I had risen up, I’d opened a restaurant,
I’d learned a new language, I’d done so many things. This was gonna be the
time that was gonna go, “Of course son, let me read from a list.” But instead, he said, “Nothing that I can think of.” And I don’t know if it broke my spirit, or if I thought I’d hit rock
bottom I hit another layer, but when I got back home
actually, I was fired from my job, my marriage had fallen apart, I had no money left, that
I’d paid to support him, so got evicted from my
apartment, and I moved back in with my mom at the age of 30. So, there I am, 30 years
old working 16 hours a day for 20 years and I have
absolutely nothing to show for it, except maybe a skill
set on how to work hard. But, I’ll tell you what, when you’re down there and
think there’s nothing left, it’s the foundation to grow from. I thought, what am I gonna do now? And some little bird,
mentioned real estate. So, I thought I’d get into real estate. And I got into real estate
and that’s when I met my first mentor that transformed my life. I was in my office one night really late and I was having a
conversation with my mentor. And he walks in and he leans
against the door, and he goes, “You’re still here?” and I said, “Yeah.” And he goes, “you really
have a great work ethic.” And I went, “You talkin’ to me?” He said, “Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you.” He goes, “You’re awesome.” I’m like, “Are you still talking to me?” I guess I never had anybody tell me that they believed in me. My father certainly was always, “You could do better. You could do better. You could do better.” Ya, it drove me, but it
didn’t make me feel confident. And I doubted it at first. And we started to talk, and he goes, “Oh, so you’ve labeled
yourself stupid, as a loser, and a skinny little kid.” He goes, “How do you feel about that?” and I said, “I still feel that way.” He says, “You’re 30 years old.” I go, “Yeah, I know.” But, I still felt that way inside. He says, “Okay, well,
we’re gonna change that. Who’s an idol that you have?” I said, “Well, one of my
favorite is Clint Eastwood. He’s like, rugged. I’m kind of rugged, I feel rugged.” He goes, “Perfect, how does
that feel when you say that?” I said, “It feels pretty good.” He goes, “That’s it! I want you to say that a 1000 times. A 1000 times everyday,
or more if you want. Loser out, ruggedly handsome in. So, now what we’re gonna do, is we’re gonna reprogram your brain. Your brain is like software,
we’re just gonna reprogram it.” I said, “How do I do that?” He goes, “Just every
time you have a chance, just say, I’m ruggedly handsome,
I’m ruggedly handsome.” He said, “The words that
follow I am, follow you, you just didn’t know it. You had shitty programming. But, now we’re gonna change
that and change that forever.” And I remember driving
home, I was so excited. I was so excited because I
could change my programming. I didn’t know it. I thought I was stuck
that way my whole life. And all I had to do was have the energy to put into changing the way I see myself. And it was so.. I just said it over and over,
I was screaming in the car, “I’m ruggedly handsome,
I’m ruggedly handsome, I’m ruggedly handsome.” I’d get up in the morning,
I’d say it over and over and over again. I’d say it as much as I possibly could. And then spontaneously, one
morning, I was in the shower and I said, “I’m the greatest
real estate agent in my area. I’m the greatest real
estate agent in my area.” I went from one sale in my first year to, in a few years, a 100 sales. I broke every record there was and then I bought the fricken company. I went from farm boy to financially free. I became resourceful, I
became capable of doing things I didn’t know I was gonna do. The most powerful force
in the human psyche is how we describe ourselves to ourself. Who’s giving you labels? You’re too short, you’re too tall, you’re quite, you’re introverted. You take on those labels, and you wear them like
they’re your persona. Then, you live into them. Like a role that you were given in life. You can rewrite that. You can make it whatever you want. Insert it and then program it. I am, I am, you are what? Gifted, guided, grateful,
powerful, passionate, playful, sexy, sensual, sensitive,
blessed, what are you? Today is the first day
of the rest of your life. You get to redefine
yourself, so who are you? And who do you wanna be? The words that follow I am, follow you. (intense music)

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  2. The father was a disgrace; Any man who doesent put fourth any effort into showing any pride into his own son, his own legacy , is not a man worthy of claiming that legacy as his own let alone having any right to pass his on.
    I felt this strong urge to stare this guy down and dare him to throw the first punch; I would gladly make it the very last thing he remembered before he regaines consciousness.

  3. His dad is an asshole. He dropped everything. Lost his marriage and house to take care of him. And his dad said he couldn't been think of a single time he was ever proud of him

  4. A really unpopular opinion, but honestly I think the father did right by him in his early years of growing up. He prepared his son for real life – it’s not all fun and games. However, as a father, you also have a responsibility to give your child great memories they can share to THEIR children. The fact that he said there was no time in his life that he was proud of his son was inexcusable for the work he made him do. I would have said that there hasn’t been a moment that I HAVEN’T been proud of you.

  5. I want to hug you.
    You are so strong and inspiring
    You are great. Your father not valuing you,only shows how broken he was.not you.
    Keep being great!

  6. I pray Rock that you know Jesus one day and that our heavenly Father shows you how much he loves you and how proud of you .

  7. Wow watching this made me cry.some of us that have dads are very lucky cause we always forget to admire for the things they have done for us and for those who don't have dads don't get to share that. This man well… Admired his dad so much he just worked hard on everything just to prove himself to his dad but his dad don't really see that.u see is that just the tiny thing u do for someone can make their day but he never get to feel that way. FOR THOSE WHO FEEL THIS WAY MAY GOD BLESS U N KEEP U SAFE. AND THE MAN WHOS TALKING IN THIS MY LOVE N PRAYERS GO OUT TO U.

  8. His father is a psychopath. that’s what psychopaths are and his father was one of them. I can relate to him a lot as I have a psychopatic father too that behaved like his father as well. It’s hard to cope as a child growing up with a pathetic father

  9. Your father thought you to work hard and I’m sorry that your father couldn’t show you that he loved you because of his own ego. You have a beautiful soul and you are awake to the world because you didn’t let your ego get in the way of showing your father how much you loved him. Instead you grow up to be a great example in this world.

  10. That person wasn't a dad
    Much less A Human Being.
    This is strength for every
    Child. Christ said very clearly
    " Anyone who offends the child, it is best for that person to be placed with a stoneblock
    around the neck and sent to the ocean then for GOD
    to deal with that person. "
    Amen….thank you CHRIST.

  11. Your mind is the most powerful thing that will tell you lies it will say you can't do this you can't do that you will be stuck behind this door forever and never suprass it ever it will tell you lies it will convince you that your not good enough that you aren't ever going to do this you thank the mind for its opinion open that locked door cause that door was never locked but our mind convinced us it was and we listen and listen and listen to what out mind tells us but Now you have to move aside the guard to that door and open the locked door and then you will we the amazing world and the mind will come back to you in that locked door room and the guard will see how truly happy the guard can be cause the guard was a foolish Man he would listen to what other folks or aka the the hateful ones told him he would absorb these labels and dark untrue facts and the guard will learn from those people that he needs to block this door but what he never saw what was in side the door inside was happiness joy opportunities family love peace and positivity but he never looked but believed it was dark in there then one day we go up to that door to try it out and the mind or guard says no u are a twig u are too stupid to do this task you worthless moron the guard will tell him that but u as the man approaching the door need to say in what this door has too offer stop holding me back and u need to push the guard away and you will see the happiness and love and joy that comes from it and the mind or guard will too and you two will both live in this world of joy love happyiness oppurtunites peace love and positivity the guard will see the truth that has been hidden from him all his life

  12. Dear Broken Hearted man, your father in heaven Loves you and wanted you Always. I know, i was Like you, but No more. WE are so Loved….♥️♥️♥️💃🦋you are awesome ♥️♥️♥️

  13. Cut my family out of my life permanently 5 years ago. Best decision of my life. I dont stick around and keep getting abused.

  14. I’ve seen some good motivational speakers that you applaud what they’re saying but you can see this guy isn’t bullshitting. Everything he says I believe him and if he’s lying he’s winning an Oscar

  15. Beautiful human being…beautiful talk..u r superb I every way..I'm 70 yrs young & parents negative voices still pop up..yes, I am a kind loving woman who has tons of compassion. .u should b on TED talks..🐙🐞❤💜

  16. I don't know man. I think his daddy gave him something that a lot of people (especially younger ones) don't have. Resilience and a good work ethic. Intentional or not. The deathbed part was rough.

  17. Millionaire from carpentry, and washing windows….im sick and tired of seeing motivational storytelling where they are half truths or fully lies….i don't believe this guy

  18. Fathers are so very important to their sons. I know, I never had one; and I`m past middle age. No memories to recall, simply what if. Fathers love your children & make each moment a memorable one that will last well after you`ve left this earth.

  19. "The words that FOLLOW I am follow you" – so true.
    I`m gonna have to write that down on a piece of paper and stick it to my wall.

  20. Maybe he just don't know how to show or tell u…maybe his dad was like that too. Sometimes some people, they resort to harshness to overcome their melting hearts because it feels unatural for them thus their defense system kicks in..

  21. If I ever become a mother I'm doing it by my self I'm going to be there for my child and I'm going to protect them the way I wished someone would protect me

  22. I feel him mehn… i feel him… i knw what he'd been through. It's really hard to do all u can just to hear your dad saying "i proud of you, Son. Well done." But instead he goes "this is what you must do. You can do better. It's not enough. " – like there is nothing special in a kid working at his maximum trying to get his attention.

  23. This hurts a lot because it describes my childhood and youth pretty well. Mum and step-dad only ever gave me any attention when it was about work. Then last year, I opened up completely and asked my step-dad what I could do so he'd hate me less. He flipped out. Then my mum was on the phone. Told her I didn't believe she was able to stay so calm. She said she was proud her husband protects her. (from me?) I asked her in turn if she was proud of me. She answered "she'd be proud of me if I behaved like her son." That was the first time I yelled at my mum in my life. It hurt a lot.

    I understand this guy's story. Graduated top of the faculty. Awarded a prize for my masters thesis in maths. My mum gave half-assed excuses that she wouldnt be able to come. Already at the high-school ceremony, her chair was the only one available because she had used my Dad's presence as a spontaneous excuse to not appear.
    It hurts when the parents of your friends tell you theyre sorry for you. It fu*k*ng hurts.

    If you have the time, please leave a comment. I could really use it, because I am coming out of denial after years of running away from my feelings and it is painful and exasperating at times.

  24. If I can't substantiate your claims then I can't take you seriously and will only bother to pay mind to those whom I can, case closed!

  25. Please. U do your chores, u eat breakfast. Animals on a farm make money. U have to feed them in order to make money. Quit throwing a potty party. Lots of kids worked on a farm or ranch for their family. It's family

  26. Why is his father not acknowledging or admitting to his son that he is doing wonderful in school. This is a pathetic father.

  27. Actually his Dad is a genius. Because of him this guy drove himself to achieve perhaps his dad had the forethought even on his deathbed to give him one more boost to top achievement. It’s all about perspective. So stop your winning you skinny tweerp.

  28. I know this won't help, because you sound far wiser than I. But it's not your fault. Your dad was an asshole. It was and is not your fault.

  29. I moved out of state for almost three years. I come back home and stay with my parents for a few weeks and at first my dad was smiling and glad I was back, just days later he was nothing but mad.

  30. I know it's off point, but thank you for making me a better father. I know my little 9 year old feels my love but I pray I continue to make conscious efforts to include him in everything. I would NEVER sit in the car while my boy was in a game sweating. I'm very sorry your dad refused to look past himself. You succeeded without him and that's ok.

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