If you said twist my arm in the Middle
Ages, you’d better be ready for them to actually do it.
– Let’s talk about that. ♪ (theme music) ♪ – Good Mythical Morning!
– Today, when people wanna get creative, they paint a picture, or draw a picture,
or write a song. But back in the medieval times — and I’m not talking
about the restaurant, I’m talking about – the actual era — …
– Oh, yes. …They, uhm — the way they got creative
was by figuring out creative ways to – torture one another.
– Well, you gotta do something with your – time.
– Insane stuff, that you may or may not believe is real, and we’re gonna play a
a game with that! That I like to call: “Is That an Actual Medieval Torture Device
or Just a Figment of My Own Demented – Imagination?”
– Yeah, I hope that it becomes clear over the course of this episode that you are
demented. Because, I think you’ve wanted – to talk about torture devices and
stuff… – Yeah. Secretly.
– …for years. I know that you went to a – torture museum.
– I did, we’ll talk about that later. Okay, okay. And I stay as far away from
torture as… – Not today, brother!
– …non-medievally possible. Here’s how it’s gonna work: I’m gonna
describe a device that may or may not be an actual device from the Middle Ages
that they used to torture people with,… – Yes.
– …and you say “Yes, it was,” or “No, – you made that up.”
– Okay. For every one you get wrong, Link, I’m
going to torture you in Good Mythical More – by making you eat a cherry tomato.
– (gasps) Well, as ridiculous as it sounds, that is a valid form of torture
for me, and uh… And I’m gonna eat one for every one that
you get right. – Okay.
– And that will not be torture cause I love ’em!
– (laughs) Alright! – Here we go!
– Let me have it. The “Thieves’ Bath” was reserved for
people who had been accused of pickpocketing. They were forced to dunk
their paws into a barrel of molten tar, until their fingers literally fused
together. Regardless of whether or not they were pickpockets before, they
definitely weren’t after those melted – flippers!
(both laugh) “What am I gonna steal now? Water?”
(slurps) (laughs) Yes, water. Um, I just don’t —
I think you — I don’t know. – Don’t think too much.
– I just don’t think that would prevent – people from stealing.
– “From stealing.” Um, just because it’s the first one, I’m
gonna say it’s legit. – Okay.
– It’s true, you didn’t make it up. – Oh. I did make it up.
(buzzer sound) – (laughs)
– Ha-ha, got ya! Got ya on the first one. I shoulda known it with the drinking
water thing. – Yeah.
– Oh, so there’s one. It was just a setup for my water-flipper
joke. – Okay, okay, okay.
– Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Especially not the people who had the
misfortune of riding the “Spanish Donkey.” It was a sharp, long, wooden wedge that
the prisoner was forced to sit astride with increasing weights pulling down their
ankles until they were literally split in – half!
– Oh! I bet that hurt. Yeah. A few steps beyond the atomic
wedgie. – Mm. The Donkey Wedgie.
– (wet sound) – Spanish Donkey.
– Spanish Donkey Wedgie. Uhm, man! – You don’t wanna ride it.
– I’m gonna say that’s true. Oh, really? You don’t think I can make up
something like that? – Oh I know you could.
– You’re right, Link! It’s real! – That’s demented, man.
– There it is, right there. Nasty! – Ooh, it looks like a —
– They coulda made it like a donkey, though. Put some ears on it, put a tail
on it! Just looks like a sawhorse. Oh, and you
just… ew! – Yep, yeah. Exactly.
– Does it — augh! Ever wonder where the phrase “out to
pasture” came from? – Nope.
– Well this special Old English tradition! A prisoner would be buried up to their
neck in the middle of a cow pasture, and then someone on the other side of the
paddock would excite the cattle with a red-hot brand, causing them to run back
and forth across the prisoner’s head. – Ooh, trample-face.
– “Trample-Face” was another name for it. (crew laughs)
– Mm. – “Bring out the Trample-Face!”
(crew laughs) Well that’s what they called ugly people
back then… – Oh.
– …”Somebody’s got the trample-face.” – Oh, “Must’ve been put out to pasture!”
– “He survived the pasture. He got the trample-face.” Uhm, I do believe that —
this sounds true… – Hm.
– …and sad. – Oh.
– Well, so I’mma say true and sad. – It’s fake.
(buzzer sound) – It’s fake?
– That’s sad, you got it wrong again, – that’s another tomato.
– (laughs) Oh gosh. “Out to pasture” just means you put a
horse out, it’s like a retiring thing, you – know, you just retire a horse.
– I shoulda — yeah, I shoulda known that. – Yeah.
– I did know that! If you’re looking for a bargain basement
form of torture, this is it. All you need is a bucket and some rats. A bunch of rats
would be placed on a prisoner’s chest with an upside-down bucket on top of them.
Then heat would be applied to the bucket, forcing the rats to escape by chewing
through the prisoner’s body. – Eugh!
– Wouldn’t you like to see that? A tunnel through a person’s body? Do
they kill ‘im? – I don’t know if they made a tunnel.
– Did they all go through one rat hole? – M’yeah.
– Depending on where it was, you’d either – live or die?
– M’yeah. – Eugh!
– What if they went for the nipple? – Hungry.
– Is that a soft spot? I’m not answerin’ that. Uhm, I’m gonna say
that this one’s true, because I don’t think you’d make up anything related to
rats. – Oh, you’re right, Link!
(ding noise) – Oh, gosh.
– This is totally real. – Did people watch?
– Well, people watched 2 Fast 2 Furious, – that was a movie this was featured in.
(crew laughs) – Was it?
– Yeah! I didn’t see it. – I saw 7.
– Yeah. – And I’m working backwards from there.
– Yeah, that’s cool, that’s how you do those. Busy-bodies beware! The
Eavesdropper’s Vice was made just for you. If you’d been accused of spying, you could
expect to be strapped to a large, wooden table; then ropes would be attached from
the walls to your ears with vice clamps. Next, a torturer would turn a crank that
rotated the table, causing your ears to – twist off yo’ head. Real or fake?
– You can do that with your hand. – No you couldn’t.
– I could twist your ear off right now – with my hand.
– It’s not nearly as fun, though. You – wanna put ’em on the thing and shhhh…
– You wanna use a device, yeah. – Yeah, you wanna use a device.
– You wanna depersonalize it, that’s why – executioners wear masks.
– Mhm. ‘Cause you don’t wanna be like, “Hey,
Bob! What’s up?” – “Hey.”
– Like, “I’m about to kill you, that’s – what.”
– Yeah. Exactly. It’s like, “But coffee yesterday was
great.” – But this is just about the ears.
– This is false, man, you made this one up – about the ears.
– Really? – (laughing) Oh yeah, definitely.
– You’re right, Link. (ding noise)
– How’d you know? ‘Cause that’s a lot of effort just to
pull off an ear! Has your wife been more uppity than usual?
(crew laughs) Yes! Oh, no, I didn’t answer that out
loud. The Scold’s Bridle will solve that! It was
an iron mask complete with donkey ears that would be locked around your lady’s
face. – Again with the donkey?!
– Yeah, they liked a donkey. It also included a tongue depressor with
spikes on it so she definitely couldn’t nag you for leavin’ the chamber pot lid up
again! Chamber pot’s a toilet. So, it was a headpiece, with donkey ears
and some spike tongue? Yeah, it was just a mask for the woman in
your life. (laughs) – Man. Did it kill ‘er?
– I don’t know, it just made her not – speak.
– Wow, man. I hope this is false. True. – It is true.
– Augh! (ding noise)
– They also punished witches in this way. – Ew, gross!
– It really is nasty, with the donkey ears? – That ain’t right.
– Okay, how ’bout this, Link… If anyone out there was questioning
whether that was right or not, I’m gonna – go on record to say, “That ain’t right.”
– You’re doing pretty well! The Brazen Bull was a large, brass bull
with a door in its stomach. A prisoner would be inserted into the bull, then a
fire would be lit underneath it, causing the prisoner to burn alive. As an added
bonus, it was designed to make their – screams sound like an actual bull.
– I was with you until that. I mean I’ve – been burned a number of times…
– Moooooo! …and never once did I make a cow sound
when it happened. – Well it was acoustic design.
– It’s like, “Mah-ooo! Ma-ooo!” – Yeah, exactly.
– That’s not the sound you make when – you —
– In the Middle Ages it was. – Okay, then true!
– It is true, Link! – (laughs)
(ding noise) This thing is — look at that, that’s
what it looked like. – That’s a big bull, man!
– Now the crazy, sadistic thing about this, is that the guy who designed this
thing, Perillos, brought it to this tyrant for him to use to punish prisoners. And
you know what he did? – They put Perillos in it.
– They used him in it. That’s why you can’t make this kinda
stuff, because… – They’ll torture you in it! (laughs)
– …that’s the obvious thing that’s gonna happen! Yeah, that’s why I don’t make
these in real life, I make them in my – mind.
– Shoulda made it where it’s like, it – wouldn’t fit ‘im!
– Okay, Link. The Adulterer’s Ball was just a large, iron ball filled with
spikes. A convicted cheater would be placed in the ball and then rolled down a
large hill. They’d be left in the ball at – the bottom to die. Oooh-whee.
– So the spikes are on the inside or the – outside of the ball?
– What d’you think? – I think the inside.
– Yeah. – Ooh.
– The outside would be like a state fair – ride.
– Mm, it’s like, “Everybody’s havin’ fun – in there, open the hatch! Ohhh!”
– (laughs) – “Must’ve been an adulterer!”
– (laughing) Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. – Uhm, hm.
– That’d be nasty, wouldn’t it? I mean, just think about that. Think about openin’
that thing up. Or not think about it, how ’bout that?
How ’bout I think about a happy thing, – like ferris wheels, or…
– Mm. – …another ride that’s just happy.
– What if ferris wheels had spikes on the – inside of ’em?
– Then it would be this, uhm. Hm. You are – a demented person.
– Why? Because you made this one up, that’s
what I think. (laughs) – Well they shoulda done this one.
– Alright, so I’m saying this is fake. – You’re right, it’s fake.
(ding noise) – (laughs) They shoulda done it?
– They should have. They probably did – something like this.
– “Man, if I could only travel back in time, and make a ball with spikes on the
inside that could mince people up, I would – do it!”
– I would! For cheaters! – (laughs)
– Okay, I got one more for ya. The Pear of Anguish might sound like that time you
took a chance on a two-week-old piece of – cobbler, but it’s way worse.
– (laughs) P-E-A-R, not P-A-I-R? – P-E-A-R.
– Okay. It was a pair-shaped metal device that was
inserted into the mouth and other orifices. Think about those for a
second. (crew laughs)
– Cool. Then the torturer would turn a crank on
the other end, splitting and expanding the – pear into four spiky leaves. Wddtchk.
– So it’s kinda like one of those drywall bolts you put — and then once it goes
through the wall it’s like that? – But it’s not drywall.
(crew laughs) – Ooh.
– It’s not drywall. – Mm. Prickly pear.
– I think you got to pick where they put – it. No, you didn’t.
– Ew, ew! This is the face I make when I think about torture pears. Uh, that is
gross, and that is true. And I will never eat a pear again. Or put it in an orifice
again! (laughs) You don’t believe I can make somethin’
like that up? – I know you can, but I say it’s true.
– You’re right, Link… (ding noise)
– …and look at this. There’s a buncha these, it’s true, there’s a buncha these
still in existence. – Ugh!
– I don’t believe they’re used anymore, but they sure are nasty! Don’t put those
in your fruit bowl, heheh. – Oh my goodness!
– So how many did Link miss? He only – missed two! Link, you have to eat two…
– Woo! …cherry tomatoes in Good Mythical
More, and I’ll eat the rest of ’em. But trust me, it’s still gonna be
dramatic. Lemme know what your favorite – torture d–
– (laughs) – No, don’t.
(crew laughs) Don’t comment anything about torture
devices in the comments… – Yeah.
– Let’s comment happy comments, okay? Yes, please do that, and also thanks for
subscribing and sharing this video with your friends and family, ’cause they want
to know about torture devices, too! You know what time it is! Hi, my name is Ian, and this is Princess.
We’re from the Philippines, and it’s time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality. Head over to our Facebook page, ’cause we
have kicked off the Week of Christmasicality, where you can do fun
challenges, win cool prizes. – Woo! Do it.
– It’s all fun. facebook.com/rhettandlink Click through to Good Mythical More, where
Rhett is going to torture me with – tomatoes.
– Oh yeah, I am. And I’m gonna eat some. – I’ll just be eating tomatoes…
– We’re gonna play some more of the game, – too.
– …he’ll be being tortured. – Ooooh.
– “Overly confident conversation about photosynthesis.” Hey, have you heard of
how plants work? (crew laughs)
– Oh, of course, you’re referring to… (unison) Photosynthesis!
– …yes, yes. Do you know, that I once took a photo of
the process? – You did? Of the…
– Of the photosynthesis. …of a plant. Of course when a plant
drinks… (unison) Sunlight.
– And then turns it into plant… (unison) Juice.
(crew laughs) – Which it —
– Then it drinks from its own self. – Right, right.
– It’s not pleasant to watch… – But it’s great to photograph!
– …but I am an expert in photographing – it.
– Oh, lemme see those, is it an Instagram – account?
– Well, it’s just pictures of plants, really. You catch them in the act, and
it’s just like, that’s just a plant! – Drinking itself.
– Drinking itself, its juice! – Rather awkward.
♪ (outro music) ♪ – I don’t taste anything.
– I’m thinkin’ about trying to swallow it whole. That’s how much I don’t wanna taste
it. Like, can I swallow this whole? You could try, but I wouldn’t. ‘Cause you
don’t have teeth in your throat.