[dramatic music] [Patti] What do Nature Nicks eat? [Nick] Salad, fruit. Try to do nice and lean, healthy, like the animals. Your basics. [Patti] No! YOU’RE basic! Welcome to Patti Reviews. I’m here with Nature Nick and today we have a– [Nick] This is a Patagonian Cavy. [Patti] A what? [Nick] Patagonian Cavy. It’s actually cousin of the– [Patti] A what??? [Nick] A guinea pig. [Patti] A WHAT?? [Nick] Guinea pig. [Patti] A guinea pig, gotcha. Is this the cousin that guinea pigs don’t talk about? [Nick] It might be. [Patti] Nick, is this a cursed rat? [Nick] Sure. [Patti] What’s it supposed to be, some kind of bird? [Nick] It’s not a bird. [Patti] It looks like 9 or 10 animals that were all smashed together in a dumb way. [Nick] It’s only 1. [Patti] Nick, why did you let a squirrel have sex with a bunny? [Nick] That’s not what it is. [Patti] Did you try and stop them? [Nick] No… No, I didn’t try and stop them… [Patti] Where does this live? Delaware? Connecticut? Rhode Island. Upstate. Downstate. Florida. The Everglades. The Delta? The Coast. The Gulf? China. Cambodia. Outer space. Inner space. Inner Peace. 5 Piece. McDonald’s? McDonald’s. Pro: It’s McDonald’s. [Nick] Sofia, she actually comes from South America, like Sofia Vergara. [Patti] Sofia Vergara is from South America? [Nick] Yeah! You didn’t know that? [Patti] Does the media know that? ALERT: SOFIA VERGARA IS FROM SOUTH AMERICA! PLEASE! MEDIA! So what does Sofia eat? [Nick] Grass, any type of vegetation, or branches that might fall down to the leaf litter where they live. [Patti] Oh weird. What do Patagonian Cavies eat? [Nick] Grasses, branches that might fall down to the ground. [Patti] Oh, weird, just like Sofia Vergara! Con: Sofia Vergara has not aged well at all. What happened to you??? Why hasn’t the media reported on this?! Look at what happened to Sofia Vergara! Who did this to you??? The media needs to know! ALERT! PLEASE! MEDIA! We’re gonna get you the best reconstructive surgeon. We’re gonna get Hot Sofia back. Pro: I love Modern Family. Hey Nick, guess who this is? ‘Hey-lo, it’s me, Nature Nick. Look at me in my canvas shirt. Boy, do I love salad. I am Nick.’ Nick, do you have any impressions? [Nick] No. [Patti] Do Benedict Cumberbatch. [Nick] I don’t know who that is. [Patti] Nick, do an impression of Leann Rimes! If you don’t do this, I don’t get paid! [Nick] I need the words to the songs that she does. [Patti] Doesn’t she have a song called On My Way Down Zoom Zoom to Dog Town? [Patti autotuned singing] Right? I think I’m singing it in the wrong key. [Patti autotuned singing] Now you. [Nick autotuned singing] [Patti] Oh, I’m sorry I asked. Hmmm… What’s going on in there? Nick, let me in. [whispering] Hey Nick, it’s me. It’s Patti. And I’m here. If you need anything. Just send me an email… to [email protected] My email address again is I care about you. I want you to be healthy. I want you to be okay. Nick, if you could be any animal, what kind of animal would you be? [Nick] Probably be some sort of bird. [Patti] That would be really cool. Now you ask me. [Nick] Oh, wh- what do you wanna- What kind of an animal would you wanna be– [Patti] A serial killer. I wanna take lives. I wanna give nothing back. I wanna take lives. Pro: This animal would probably make friends with the rat that I cannot kill in my apartment. If you are watching, Davis… You’re a f*cking rat, I’m gonna kill you. Blow your f*cking brains out. Yeah, I bought two guns today. And they’re gold plated and I spin them on my fingers. And guess what? Next time I see you- [bang] I’m gonna do a side flip and I’m gonna pop pop. Brains, spatter against the wall, maybe- Ya know what? Mabye the first two shots I won’t get ya kill shots. I’ll getcha like in your shoulder and you’re like ahhhh and you’re like trying to reach up but you can’t touch your shoulder ’cause you’re a rat and your arms are like, a centimeter long, so you’re just like, trying– And I’m gonna see that and I’m gonna blow the tips of your finger off. Like in Taxi Driver, ya seen that scene in Taxi Driver where Robert DeNiro walks in and blows the tip of that guy’s hand off? That’s what I’m gonna do to you, Davis! That’s what I’m gonna do to you! Con: We have confirmed that this is not Sofia Vergara. When it comes to exotic animals, I give this Patagonian cavy… a 3/5. Say “If you like this video, like and subscribe.’ Don’t argue with me! “If you like this video, like and subcribe.” Why- Why is this hard? Nick, say it. [Nick] If you like this video, like and subscribe. [Patti] It’s so easy. If he can do it…!