My Little Pony: Friendship is for Adults Episode 1
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My Little Pony: Friendship is for Adults Episode 1

December 14, 2019

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… No wait, that’s not right, is it? Alright, um… Once upon a time in the magical land of Skyrim– Dammit, that’s wrong too! Wait, how about… Not so long ago… In the mystical land of Toronto, Canada… Scott Pilgrim was dating a– You know what? Forget it! You guys get the idea, damn! Somewhere you don’t know, Some when you don’t belong to! Great, now I can’t remember what the hell I was talking about… Son of a bi– Oh yeah! Nightmare Moon. She’s big, bad, and a total bitch. 1000th year of the Summer Sun Celebration. Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda… Whatever! “The stars will aid in her escape.” …Who the hell wrote this garbage? How did this even get published?! Stars will aid in her escape, huh? Hey Twilight, what’s up? Gotta focus. Evil’s not going to do itself! Hey, Twilight- Piss off! Ugh! Spike? Spiiike! Spike? What are you doing? Get off your lazy butt and get back to work! What’s wrong with your tail? That voodoo doll is finally linked to Celestia, but… Oh Spike, you know I can’t speak Dragon. But I only know Pony! No, no… No, no, no, no. Ugh… BOOK SLAVE! Yes, Ms. Twilight? Yoink! Woah! Nightmare Moon… M… M… …Yes! Wait, no… Where is it? Nightmare Moon? Wouldn’t that be under N? Of course, it’s under N! I’m a genius! Genius my ass… Whoa! Oof. I don’t know what you said, but it sounded punishable. Now write! Yes, Ms. Twilight… What up, Molestia? Lawl! But seriously. I’ve stumbled upon some important shiznit regarding this evil pony. And I am requesting permission to travel to her point of arrival to combat the threat. Come on Twilight! You don’t seriously think she’s gonna buy that crap, Do you? What? I know you can understand me… Come again? Ugh, Spike. As God is my witness, you will learn to speak! For you see, using the very limited knowledge I have at my disposal, I have somehow calculated that Nightmare Moon will be arriving in Ponyville. And I feel it is my duty to risk my life for Equestria! Now, I know we’ve had our disagreements in the past, but I swear I am being totally honest with you. I have absolutely no ulterior motives whatsoever! Nope, not me. I would never dream about trying to overthrow you… Again! Release Spike… From my service. Got it! Are you done yet? Are you sure you want to do this, Twilight? Princess Celestia’s not as stupid as you think. She doesn’t trust you as it is… And just imagine what she’ll do to you if you get caught! Why is that letter still in your hand? I heard your quill stop scratching so it must be finished, and yet there it is, still here with us! Are you trying to upset me Spike? Huh? Is that what’s up, or are you just really that slow? But Twi! I-I’m only trying to help! RAAAAAHHHHH!!! Don’t hurt me! There, i-it’s all done. Just please… calm down! Oh my, sometimes my genius even amazes myself! You should never forget how lucky you are Spike. Ponies would kill to be under the service of a mistress as perfect as me. Well, it’s about freaking time she wrote back! “My reluctant, most precious student Twilight. “I really appreciate the help, but I’m afraid that I must decline. “Though my passion for you burns like the sun, I’m just not ready to put my trust into you again. “Love, Sweet C.” Oh sure, now you understand me! You know, that message isn’t the only thing Celestia sent in her letter. There’s a bunch of romantic nonsense too. It looks like there’s a couple of poems, a haiku about your mane… Aww, check out the picture she drew! Hey, it looks like she even included a photograph! Huh? What’s this of? Ew! Ugh! I feel awful… Airsick, huh? Well what did you expect? When you do things like steal a chariot and leave Canterlot without permission, it comes back to bite you. Spike… Whatever you’re saying… Shut up… Yes, we’re almost there! Now watch and be amazed as I gather up ponies to help me assist in Nightmare Moon’s resurrection! Are you sure it’s a good idea to be bouncing around when you were just holding back vomit? Uh oh… If you say a word of this to Celest, I will make your lives hell. A-bye bye now! I hope you intend to follow through with this one, and not pussy out, like you did with all your other evil plans… Alright Twilight, time to put up or shut up. Uh, hello? IMPURE PONY! What the hell, did I miss something? Ugh. According to this, We can find a whole family of Nightmare Moon coltists right here at Sweet Apple Acres! Yeeehaw! It just had to be apples, didn’t it? Hi, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I’m– Well, howdy-do Ms. Twilight, the name’s Applejack! I sell apples and apple accessories! Whaaaat’s annnn apple accessoryyyyy? You know, stuff like USB cables, headphones, speakers… Yeahhhh, I think you’re confusing your products with somepony else’s. You should probably stop before you get sued. So, what can I do ya’ for? I understand that you belong to the prestigious Apple Chapter of the Nightmare Moon cult? May the land be plunged into eternal darkness for the rest of its days! Would you like to meet the rest of the family? Well, I suppose I should see what I’m working with. Apple family, ASSEMBLE! Now for the ceremonial introduction feast! Wait, why? That’s stupid! This here’s Bill, Boomhauer, Peggy, Bobby, Luanne, Connie, Nancy… Big McIntosh, Apple Bloom, and the pony that taught me everything I know. Granny Smith. What? Huh? Whatever it is, I swear I didn’t do it! Now as soon as you’re finished eating all of our Apple Essence, we can help you welcome back Nightmare Moon! Okay, well… Now that I think about it… Maybe Spike and I would be better doing this solo. You’re not gonna let us help you resurrect our Dark Queen? Sorry, but managing you all is just more than I wanna do… Aww…
It’s not fair… Dammit. Alright, she’s staying! Ugh… I hate apples… At least it’s a nice day and I can get some exercise. The mud’s not bad, kinda cute. Now let me see how you look soaking wet! Aw yeah baby, Dashie like! What the hell are you doing to me? Stop it! My very own patented, “Rainblow Job”. Guaranteed to make your mane stand on end! Didn’t anypony ever tell you no means no? That attitude’s not gonna keep you safe from Rainbow Dash! I take what I want! What are you, a lesbian? Not just a lesbian, the lesbian! Wait a second… Don’t I know you from somewhere? I used to be a member of the Wonderbolts, until I got kicked out. The Wonderbolts? The most talented fliers in all of Equestria? Pfft, I call BS! I was so! The only reason I’m not anymore is cause Spitfire won’t come out of the damn closet! It’s not so bad though, I like it here in Ponyville. Wooing all these small town mares, just like I did with you. You didn’t woo me! Alright, that may be a stretch, but I could! I could make you fall head over hooves for me in ten seconds flat. Prove it. Better close your mouth babe before you start catching flies. Hello, anypony home? Well, it’s been fun sweetheart, but I’ve got other mares to see! Don’t worry baby, I’ll be back! Twilight, are you okay? Wasn’t I wearing pants before that…? No… You don’t normally wear clothes. Th-that’s right… I-and then-yeah… Come on Twi, let’s get back to work. Was there any point to this scene? Nope. And yet, I’m completely okay with it… Spike, please explain to me again… How we ended up here? Well… The first place was an apple farm: A And this place is a boutique: B… It made sense when I was… writing… it… Flank of a goddess… Thank goodness you’re here my soft spoken sex machine, I’ve been waiting all day for your arrival! Now how bout you throw on my saddle and ride me until I can’t walk str-wah ah ah! You’re not Fluttershy! No… No I’m not! Oh… Am I interrupting something? No! Well-I just… Tell you what, how about I give you some free merchandise and you forget everything you just heard! What? No! I don’t want your stupid lingerie! No… no… nuh uh, Too American, too British, Too Hispanic, too Southern, Too French, too dyke… Oh, that’s perfect! Now why did you stop by? I’m… recruiting ponies… to resurrect… …Nightmare Moon… Nightmare Moon, I’ve read all about her! The strength, the potential to dominate! I have always dreamed of having her as a lover! It just so happens that the pony I was waiting for is a huge NM supporter too! She spends most of her time teaching birds to sing depressing songs. Wait right here, I’ll get you some directions to where she might be! You get the directions, I’m getting the hell outta here before this gets any weirder! According to Rarity’s map, she should be right through this clearing. Oh my, um… Please stop everyone. You… You’re blue… I hate the color blue… Oh, the irony that I must see the world through eyes I despise… Hello! Aaah! Hi there. I’m looking for ponies to help me with Nightmare Moon’s resurrection. Rarity told me that you were the pony to see! Awkward Fluttershy Twilight interaction! I’m Twilight Sparkle… Now you say something. I… I’m Fluttershy… Are you the right pony? Yes, I’d like to help… Do you even know Rarity? Okay, well… Thanks anyway. It’s been… Interesting… That freaking wannabe marshmallow lied to us, Spike! A baby dragon! Finally, a creature with enough dark potential to match my own! I bet you’re just bursting with diabolic thoughts! Well, I don’t like to brag. Oh wow, he talks too! That will make everything much easier. Wait, you can understand him? So please, little destroyer, share with me some of your schemes. Well, I’ve always thought it would be pretty cool to– So let me get this straight. She can’t understand anything you’re saying? That’s what she says, but I think Twi’s just screwing with me. ‘Cause sometimes she’ll answer me, And it’s like she’s forgotten that she’s not supposed to be able to understand what I’m saying. I think she’s also got other ponies in on it. Wow, she sounds like a total bi– Well, here’s where we’re staying! So whatever conversation you two are having is going to have to end. Doesn’t somepony alre– Spike, so far I hate every. Single. Pony. In this town. Thank Celestia that the ponies that own this house are go– What the hell is that noise? AUGH! Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! Are you here for the CPE meeting? The what? The Christian Ponies of Equestria, silly! No, I’m uh… House sitting, while the Pears are away. Their house is next door. Plus, they’ve been back for a week! Then where are we?! This is the town library, but since I burned all the books in the name of the Cross, Everypony uses this place as they want. Then what are the ones on the shelves? Perfect… I mean, I was sent by the Princess to use this facility for important “Canterlot stuff”. Really? That’s so cool! So, you and your friends need to leave. But we were using the library first. But my business is much more important. Let me see some documentation confirming that and we’ll be happy to leave. …God dammit Pinkie… I didn’t recognize you earlier, so I figured that you weren’t a member, because I know everypony in the CPE! Oh my gosh, you should totally join our chapter! Are you a Christian? Oh, I hope you are! I would hate to think that your soul has to be damned to hell for all eternity Just because you accidentally picked the wrong God! Besides, you don’t want to be left out, do you? Look, we’re all members! It’s awesome, ain’t it girls? Oh, shit, don’t– Nevermind. And that’s just a little taste of what you’ll go through if you don’t rethink your religious views! Twilight, you gotta help me! These stupid CPE members won’t leave And they keep trying to get me to play the Jesus in their crucifixion game! Spike, I swear, nothing they’re about to do could POSSIBLY be worse Than what I’m going to do to you if you don’t leave me alone so I can THINK! Fine, guess I’ll just have to go down there And tell them how much you wanna play! This mission isn’t going as planned at all… Maybe Spike’s right, maybe my schemes really do suck… I wonder if Celestia will let me stay in Canterlot if I beg pathetically enough. Nightmare Moon, please be real… I want to serve under somepony who understands my needs… Celestia would never allow me to rule over the rest of these pathetic ponies with an iron hoof… Twilight, come on. We’re all going to town hall to wait for Nightmare Moon! What do you mean “we’re all”? Well, that apple pony you talked to… Maybe… Kinda… Spread the news about her return… This is why I hate the Apples… Fillies and gentlecolts! Thanks to an anonymous Applejack, we have been informed that an evil pony is going to be arriving at this very spot shortly. So, the plan is, when she gets here, everypony jump in and curb stomp that bitch! ‘Kay, on the count of three. One… two… three! Sorry guys, false alarm… No… Look! Oh, fuck. ‘Sup guys? Just dropping in to say hey, it’s been awhile! You know, when I was first imprisoned I planned on really fuckin’ shit up when I got back, But that was like 1000 years ago! I mean, time can really change a pony, And world domination is totally a young mare’s game. So, if you guys don’t mind, I’m just gonna hit up the old homestead. I’m sure I’ll be back to running my intergalactic empire by tomorrow, But I figure I might as well see what’s changed while I’m down here. Nightmare Moon, I pledge my full allegiance to you, And I promise to serve as your right hoof mare for as long as it takes, Until you are supreme ruler of Equestria! What? Did you not hear me? I said I’m not interested in that kind of stuff anymore! But, but… It’s not you. Like I’m sure you’d make a great evil henchpony and whatever. There’s just no reason for me to try and overthrow Celestia, dude. There’s really nothing for me to gain by staying here. The only thing that could happen is I could lose everything I’ve worked for. DON’T YOU DARE TRY AND PULL THIS SHIT WITH ME YOU ANCIENT BITCH. I WILL END YOU! Yikes! You mad, bro? Anyways, psycho pony aside, I’ma bounce. It’s been fun seeing you all. I’ll have to drop back by sometime. Bye!

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  1. ''stars will aid her in her escape'' stars will> starswirl> starswirl the bearded did aid luna in her escape

  2. 8:47 I love this entire scene with Rainbow Dash. ? Especially when Rainbow made Twilight "Fall head over hooves for her". ?

  3. I found this now,and all I gotta say,nightmare moon is a bitch and twilight is 2x more of a bitch XD

  4. I had to, Had to, HAD TO come back to episode one after your Origins special. It all fits!! I promise not to spoil!!

  5. It's ironic that the Apple family belongs to a cult that wants the land plunged into eternal nighttime, seeing as their entire farm would die without sunlight

  6. Nightmare Moon is a Mooninite. She left Ignignokt and Err with their two dimensional 8 bit faces stomped in the lunar landscape when they tried the Quad Laser on her to depose her as Queen of the Mooninites.

    Ignignokt tried to give her the finger so hard it snapped off.

    They called her a Nerd and she just lost it.

  7. Render shmender, where the heck did INTERLACING come from? Interlacing can only be introduced manually, since it is not the default in our age of progressive scan.

  8. 0:31 – I was totally expecting you to follow up "Not so long ago" with "in the top left-hand corner of Wales…" XD

  9. This is such a good series, too bad there aren't any new episodes but I still go back and watch them.

  10. I'm a fan of FIW, Scootertrix, and even Friendship Is Gic, but I'll say this one is very clever for what it is. I love how each show have thier own style and humor

  11. i started watching these because i want to audition for the casting call ah. im absolutely in love with this and the humor is fantastic.

  12. If I was on the bad guys side I would have been a supporter / recruiter for King Sombra, The Mane-iac, the Storm King, the Pony of Shadows, or Daybreaker! Mostly the Crystal Empire under Sombra's rule if he went to War against Celestia! I see that pinky is a Christian as well, my Human self is one as well ,though I think he follows his more appropriately and not so extremely in a different direction like pinkie's.

  13. Celesita: mistakes it as star wars

    Celsestia again: mistakes as Skyrim

    Also rip fallout franchise because of fallout 76

    Also celestial: mistakes as Toronto Canada

    Spike: "these are confusing times."

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