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August 15, 2019

So I recently set myself the challenge of finding the worst game on Steam. I do this on occasion just because I’m curious of what is actually at the bottom of the barrel and when I set out for this challenge I didn’t want to just go looking for a game that was meant to be bad, because there are games like that all over the place. They’re made specifically to be bad and that can sometimes be funny, but often time is just crap for the sake of being crap. What I wanted to find, was a game That had all the hope of being good and then despite the developers’ best efforts turned out to be the worst. Thing. Ever. And there’s different criteria for that. Number one, I wanted it to actually cost money I wanted to actually spend money on this so I could be disappointed by the end result and number two I wanted something that kind of hit on a few different topics. It wasn’t just game breakingly bad No, I didn’t want something that was super buggy, incredibly just crap. I wanted something that was actually in the gameplay itself terrible
(Mark gulps dramatically hard) And I found it I really found it. So the first victim of my search was a game called Drug Wars, and I actually came across some interesting -uh- trivia behind this one. This was a hyped up game But if you haven’t heard of drug wars, you wouldn’t be surprised. It wasn’t originally called that. It was called “Merchants of Brooklyn”. It came out in 2009 and was this hyped up game that some people even pre-ordered apparently But when it came out it was so unbelievlably (sic) bad that they changed the name to try to appeal to something more and I couldn’t even play it so I can’t judge it because the game wouldn’t even load up for me but some of the accompanying material and gameplay footage, which you’ll find here in front of you can showcase that it’s not exactly the best game the world, but by its Steam rating of 33% it’s also not the worst. So I gave it a pass. The other game that I tried to play was called “Tunnel Rats”. And this one was a very low rated game on Steam like the other one at 34 percent, but this one was about the gripping reality of the Vietnam War showcasing a side of it that didn’t work, but unfortunately after a brief opening segment, it didn’t work as well So I was left with uh, another game on my list and I had a few more but I don’t think I needed to go any farther. This game is Skyscraper Simulator. And you think that this game would be cool! It looks like “Euro Truck Simulator” those types of games. And, and oddly enough this game is made by someone who makes those types of games with other games like Agricultural Simulator (2011) Industry Simulator (Empire) Agricultural Simulator 2013 Agricultural Simulator: Historical Farming which has a 12%. Farming Giant which has a 19% and then this game which has the lowest score I’ve ever seen on Steam at a whopping SIX PERCENT (intense music play in the background) and I’m sure there is lower rated games but not many. There can’t be many. Other people said things such as this: “Never played it because it always crashes the desktop after the dev logo, 8/10 because I like my wallpaper” “I love this game My doctor gave me a prescription for Ambien to help me fall asleep, but I just fire up Skyscraper Simulator instead and save so much money on prescriptions to help me sleep Thanks Skyscraper Simulator!” “While playing I decided to wash the dishes. It was more entertaining than playing the game.” “No one even drives the stupid things. 1 Smelly Sandy out of 10. My immersion was broken.” “This might be my shortest review ever… This might be a game you enjoy if: you enjoy watching nothing happening at various different speeds of play Appreciate the novelty of trucks bouncing back and forth but nothing else happens. You find 10 workers needed to drive a cement truck is feasible Watching paint dry is your ultimate hobby however You shouldn’t buy it if you were hoping for a fun Tycoon game you expect a more modern take of Sim Tower You like F U N.” “Graphics from 1980, hired 19,000 engineers and lost all my 25 million euros even though I couldn’t see a single engineer 19/10” “Lost all my money because I hired 10,000 workers when I only needed 25 9/10 would play again” “I’ve been reserving this designation for a very special once-in-a-lifetime game. And I think this is it. Literally the worst game I’ve ever played Recommending it for a once-in-a-lifetime experience” “Truly shows what it’s like to be a skyscraper.” “Slightly less boring than staring at a wall 3.4 HOURS!!??!!” “This was bought as a joke, but no joke I loved it except it didn’t start up for the first nine months and the save button doesn’t work getting that fine balance between delivering construction stuffed and building and wow!” 20.9 hours on record
So you have to take into account This game has a six percent rating with all of these joke thumbs up That is how bad this game is. That being said I Played it (intense music plays in the background) I played through it, I went at it with Positivity in my mind, I went at it without any negativity in my soul I thought that I was gonna give it an honest try and I can honestly say… (cue sad music) *violins* I was warned. I was warned… I really was warned. :c So uhm… if any of you are Doing anything that requires you to stay awake I recommend that you don’t watch the next few minutes of this video because it only gets more boring from here So here is skyscraper simulator Enjoy… auhgh… There we go! That’s good stuff. Alright, Owh! Welcome to Skyscraper Simulator. This is the city view, in this view you can buy sell and rent properties Okay… oOoOoh AhhhhhHHHH wOOOOOhHooH!!!!!!!!!!! I can really see deep into the earth. I’m not sure why I-.. Why is the music like that? Oh, whatever I’ll go with I’ll go with Baxter. I like the name Ba-. Okay… *confusion* What the hell… Wha- Oh! Well, why isn’t it shown then?? Alright whatever I’ll… I’ll.. constru- Ohhh Oh okay. Height, low on funds, okay. Well, let’s not do that AhhhhAH UhhUhhah Eyueuh? Sure? Al-Alright You need to switch to the construction site view? Oh! Silly Samantha, Pookie Aubrey, Mammoth Samuel, Mammoth Anna, Strong Lillian, Crude Jaden, Silly Sophia, Silly Nicholas, Small Robert, Narrow Olivia. Whuhht? Page up. Left, Right. Plus… (+) Minus.. (-) What.. The fucking… OhhhohKAAAAy.. ???? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh Buy Silly Samantha? Narrow Joseph? McDylan? Im’ma go with Big Lillian Tiny Haley. Wet Jack? UHgHEghsth (fanfic flashbacks) Giga Natalie?? Alright… Silly Luke! Lets go with Quiet Hannah, I guess? Alright, what do we got? What do the arrows mean? Excavation Stage, Foundation stage, construction stage. Start, first buy one excavator and one dumper Well, I did. Assign some workers to the administration team to reduce monthly- *panics in confusion* hWha- Human Resources! There we go. Engineers! Foremen. Workers. Foundation? Ministrative? Ad- Administrauhtive (??) Hm Is this Adding to..??? Are we going??? Ohhh.. Hi? Hello? Ahh Oh oh- Ohhuhh… Wooow auh… Ohhhhhh Ouuooh… Nooo.. W-What are you doing? (their job?) What are you- What are you doing!? Are you alri- What is in there?! WhOa It’s empty… Oh… Okay… Administrative team. Maintenance crew.. Ahhh Waiting for excavation two percent done Okay, I guess I need more excavators??? Pookie Aubrey? Mammoth Samuel? Yeah okay. Right ‘n them dump trucks, I guess. Soft Aidan, okay? STRONG Christopher! Das good.. I’ll get the others later. I- I guess. Okay… There’s some more. They’re not- Oh there- Oh, there they go! Oh look at him, go!? *More confusion…* There.. we need more workers. As far as I’m understanding- No- Wha- Okay, that’s… good I guess? Okay more on Pookie Aubrey Okay, ahhhh ahhH~ Okay We’re doing great work. I think. We’re flying now! There we go! There we go! That’s how you do it! Okay! When does the fun start? (N E V E R) Oh my God… This is somehow worse than watching this happen in real time. This is somehow like if you were standing outside of a construction site and you were watching them build it, that would be more interesting than what’s happening right now. Okay, I’m not gonna get critical about this game just yet because I don’t know- What they’re doing? Okay, hang on.. Ohhhh Wait, okay! The dumpy truck-ohs.. They don’t have… workers either.. We don’t have enough workers. We need more workers. Let’s just get a bunch of workers! That sounds pretty good. I like the sound of that. I like workers~ Workers are good! 😀 Workers are- Because I- let me see if I can snatch one of these things. There we go, grab you. Oooh, yeah, let’s crank that up. Now we should be- OOOOOhHhHhH Look at that go! I think it’s better. I’m not a hundred percent sure, but I think that’s better. Is that better?? That what you call better?? And again, why can I see so deep??!!! How- it- uestyfho- Am I gonna be digging down there? Am I gonna find some bodies buried under here? (likely) Okay, whatever. I guess I can start planning for the future, but I don’t want to. Soft Samuel get in here. Uhh Swift Samantha, Smart Alexa, ‘here you go. I don’t know why we did that. I’ve got plenty of money I mean money doesn’t seem to be a big issue in this endeavor. If I knew it was this EASY to build a skyscraper I would have done it myself a long time ago. Okay, I think We- We’re getting close to done with excavation, which is great. Right? Boom! Done! Wahoo. Why’d we pause? Okay, where did that come from? Did that descend from the heavens and just smash right into there? Get more workers in here. Foundation is underway. I don’t know what they’re doing. Oooh You’re filling it back in- we just DUG THAT OUT! WE JUST- We just dug that out! Didn’t we? All right. I don’t know. I guess there’s- I guess that’s supposed to be cement but it- I just feel like all the hard work that I just did is now been laid away.. I feel like you’re just kind of like mocking me now… isn’t is there some way to see like.. My actual oh, I see. Okay. Here we go. Okay, I got you so I can see yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, one two three. There we go. Okay. Yeah, we’re- We’re- we’re gonna be going now. Does it take away? Good! It takes away the other workers so I can just crank these up to maximum. Right? Whys your performance awful Crude Christian?! (lol) What ya- Screw you Crude Christian! Give me a better one. Tiny Jacob. Yeah. Tiny Jacob get in here I don’t know. Is there any punishment for actually hiring this many things? I-I have no idea. Okay.. There we go. I don’t know what we did. What are we doing… What are we doing? Oh… But what does that even mean you’re just raising up this big weird obelisk that appeared out of the sky. What is that? Okay, whatever. I guess we’re almost done and then we’re halfway through the- finishing the building Is that what I’m supposed to- is that what I’m understanding about this we’re halfway don-. Ohh Great…. Wait, is that it?! Wait is that? Wait, is this the whole thing? But then why did we why did we dig that hole? also, what did you f- What… Oh There- There you go… All right, let’s fill them up, I guess. Trying to fill up some more- Workers I guess? we’re not building. Why are we not building? What do- do- what do we need? Waiting on what? Waiting on- waiting on what? What do we need? You’re not telling me what we need you it’s just glowing red?! (I think he’s done) Job, steel skeleton? Oh, is that what we’re ‘posta…? OhhHhHh Oh my god, this is the whole game…. oh my god… This is the whole game.. *tick tick tick* Ohhakay I don’t know what I’m supposed to do besides wait here… *tick tick* I uh… I try- I’m honestly, I’m trying to find what it is. I’m supposed to be doing… there must be some nascent satisfaction factor to This concept, right?? There-there- There has to be right? There would have to be. would anyone play this game in normal speed?? *X-Files theme plays* If you’re playing this game in normal speed It’s already been one year, forty four weeks, and three days on the dot. Every hour is one second. So if I… Bust out my calculator here. *typey typey type type* All the time that we just spent here if you were playing this in normal speed, You’d be sitting here for four and a half hours. *SHOCK* Just gonna.. play on fast… I still don’t understand why we dug that gigantic hole for this building I feel like I’m also not playing the game, right? Because I probably hired way too many workers. And I probably haven’t been tossing them around efficiently between machines, I haven’t been buying the right machines, but I’ve still got 14 million euros. And if I am playing it wrong then you would have to play this a lot more slowly because you wouldn’t have as many workers working on your skyscraper, And therefore it would take longer. *nods of uncertainty* There’s nothing else for me to do at this point, I’m literally just sitting around I mean, I want to see it done. I want to see it done I’m hoping that there’s gonna be some kind of a satisfaction out of it. I mean, maybe you could multitask and do other projects at once but I don’t think I have the money for it, I guess… And we’re really moving fast now and that’s good. This is the most direct equivalent to watching paint dry I’ve ever seen in a game and I’m not trying to say that, like I’m not coming at this game trying to be insulting about it. I mean look at what paint drying is you look at a wall and you wait and watch as minute changes happen over a long period of time. And compare that to what I’m doing in this game. Done It took two years, 17 weeks and 16 hours. *deep breath* Alright. What now? So there’s no management system of.. rent or? Ah there. It’s just plus or minus again… Soo… Wha-.. Da…? This… Am I making money?? and- I’m- I did- I’m- I am. I made money… okay? So I guess the next thing to do would be to…. Build another one. Oh.. But that’s too expensive.. I can’t, I don’t have enough money.. I have to wait until I get money. huh.. Okay, Alright I think I’m good. I think- I think- I think I’m good. Leader board?! No one’s on the leader board. Okay? I’m good. I’m real good. So that was, arguably the worst game on Steam and I say that not from broken controls, because oddly enough the controls worked. Not from glitchy gameplay, because at the end of it- I did build a skyscraper and I guess it was a simulation of what it’s like to be a skyscraper But at the same time it wasn’t fun. It wasn’t a happy time. I had no idea why I was even there… And… frankly… I’m sad that I wasted my life trying to figure out why they dug that big of a hole for that small of a skyscraper but either way that is the worst game that I found on Steam. I’m sure that I’ll find another, because I’m sure that you guys know about worse games on Steam. So if you know of a game that’s worse than this one, Let me know down in the comments below. I will go through the process of reviewing it myself and I will show you. How probably right you are. *Outro music starts to play silently* So thank you everybody so much for watching. And as always I will see you in the next video. BUH BYE!!! (Closed captioning by these lovely people:) Jax Master, Nightfangy ^-^ RainingFoxes (do I deserve to be added…? I just added a few things here and there)… @RainingFoxes Yes you do 🙂 Maddy Reagan

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  1. “Oh my god this is the whole game” -Mark the moment he knew that the game crawled out of the depths of the abyss

  2. Whaaat, I fell asleep, and I dreamed I was building a skyscraper for 3y and when I woke up the mark video was ended, what a nightmare…

  3. goddamn! Time is really doing you well! You look better now than you ever have! I'm not gay but you're look'n handsome bro

  4. Worst game?
    Four words: Ride to Hell: Retribution. So bad, that it was removed from steam to avoid further panning and cancelled three more games with that was planed with ride to hell.

  5. * Easy/fast tutorial at the beginning
    * Less realism (example: make the phases faster/easier)
    * Less technical options
    * More criative options (like planning how the building will look)
    * Some silly minigames/sidequests (so the player doesn't keep waiting like that)

    Fun for buyers and it might be easier for the developers.

  6. So, I just watched… this… and I'm traumatized, to say the least.
    I feel sorry for Mark.

    Why did you recommend this to me, YouTube… why…?

  7. Its like they played sim city, saw the build animation and thought "hmm.. thats satisfying
    Lets make an entire game JUST about that"

  8. Mark if you were looking for a game that everyone was excited for but was terrible is sonic 06 it is soo bad

  9. In the beginning don't play/watch if you have something to do

    Me on my living room cough at 1 am still having to finish cleaning yeah ri- ?

  10. I was a bout to fall asleep but then he vigorously said strong Christopher. Thats my name so thinking my dad was calling me i freaked out

  11. Markiplier: goes deep
    My volume: wtf is he saying???

    (Another one, why not)
    Mark: So here is Skyscraper simulator, enjoy.
    YouTube: Lego set advert plays

  12. This quite literally one of the most entertaining videos on marks channel is this Is the most I've ever seen him try to comprehend what the fuck he was looking at cause of how much down syndrome the devs of this game had.

  13. The issue with this game is that it’s too real. My dad is a contractor and on many occasions i work as one of his constructors. Now I haven’t actually worked on a real sky scraper however I have worked on smaller things such as doctors offices, school wings, etc. That’s why this game didn’t work. Its beyond boring and slow.

  14. I can't be the only on who watches this video when their insomnia kicks in and they can't sleep, like when mark starts playing the game, I'm out Within 2 minutes

  15. I'm not even 10 mins into the video and I can say: If you're looking for an as-realistic-as-possible experience this is a great game!

  16. THIS GAME is about mental illnesses: it's about waiting through nothingness and loneliness and when you build your life up from the bottom up like the sky scrapers just you take meaning less risks that you have to be afraid of because you become 'bankrupt' which represents you dying
    And no matter how high and big you build your skyscraper it will come to a end.

  17. The workers names remind me of call of duty bot names combined with a default name on a flash game combined with a default name on a mmorpg mobile game

  18. I say that watching this whole video was worth it. It was a lot more fun watching Mark's confused reactions than watching the gameplay itself.

  19. There’s a game called something like Conan the pig. Please play it. It is tagged with psychological horror.

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