There’s a Horse In The Hospital | John Mulaney | Netflix Is A Joke
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There’s a Horse In The Hospital | John Mulaney | Netflix Is A Joke

August 14, 2019


– Now I don’t know if you’ve
been following the news, but I’ve been keeping my ears open and it seems like everyone, everywhere is super mad about
everything all the time. I try to stay a little optimistic,
even though I will admit, things are getting pretty sticky. Here’s how I try to look
at it, and this is just me. This guy being the president, it’s like there’s a horse
loose in a hospital. It’s like there’s a horse
loose in a hospital. I think eventually
everything’s gonna be okay, but I have no idea
what’s gonna happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither do your parents, because there’s a horse
loose in the hospital. It’s never happened before. No one knows what the
horse is gonna do next, least of all the horse. He’s never been in a hospital before. He’s as confused as you are. There’s no experts. They try to find experts on the news. They’re like, we’re joined now by a man that once saw a bird in the airport. It’s like, get out of here with that shit. We’ve all seen a bird in the airport. This is a horse loose in a hospital. When a horse is loose in a
hospital you gotta stay updated. So all day long, you walk around, oh, what’d the horse
do, what’d the horse do. The updates, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd. You’re like, the horse used the elevator? I didn’t know he knew how to do that. The creepiest days are when you don’t hear from the horse at all. Like down in the
operating room, like, hey, has anyone, uh… has anyone hea– (makes clip-clop sounds). Those are those quiet
days when people are like, it looks like the horse
has finally calmed down and then ten seconds
later the horse is like, I’m gonna run towards the baby incubators and smash ’em with my hooves, I’ve got nice hooves and
long tail, I’m a horse. And it’s like, aw, that’s
what I thought you’d say you dumb fuckin’ horse. And then, then, then you
go to brunch with people and they’re like, there
shouldn’t be a horse in the hospital. And it’s like, we’re well past that. And then other are people are like, well if there’s gonna
be horse in the hospital I’m gonna say the n-word on TV, and it’s like, those
don’t match up at all. And then for a second it seems like maybe we could survive the horse, and then five thousand miles away a hippo was like, I have a nuclear bomb, And I’m gonna blow up the hospital. And before we could say
anything, the horse was like, if you even fucking look at the hospital, I will stomp you to death with my hooves. I dare you to do it. I want, I want you to do it. I want you to do so I can
stomp you with my hooves I’m so fuckin’ crazy. And he’s like, you think
you’re fuckin’ crazy, I’m a fuckin’ hippopotamus, I
live in a fuckin’ lake of mud, I’m fuckin’ crazy. And all of us are like,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, like poor Andy Cohen at
those goddamn reunions, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. And then for a second we were like, maybe the horse catcher
will catch the horse, and then the horse is like, I have fired the horse catcher. He can do that? That shouldn’t be allowed,
no matter who the horse is. I don’t remember that in Hamilton.

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  1. I already regret opening this netfix 'comedy' channel, first video is leftist 'Trump is bad' faggotry. Yes netflix IS a joke.

  2. my friend laughed at this not realizing it was about Trump 😂 I mentioned Trump & they were like "oh now it makes sense" if it didn't make sense before why were u laughin??

  3. Some people think that the horse belongs in the hospital.

    And it doesn't matter that if you don't take the time to check into the hospital (even if you're literally dying) the horse makes sure that the Insane Crazy Exterminators (ICE) will kick you out and take your children and lock them up and make sure you never see each other again

    Or that a horse is an idiot

    Or that animals tend to only care about their own interests

    Or that the horse is misogynistic

    Or that the last creature controlling the hospitality did a lot less horrible things and yet they were upset about that

    Because the horse validates their racist/sexist/xenophobic/homophobic/etc beliefs

  4. No joke, this bit is the ONE thing both of my parents have laughed at in the last 10 years. We were watching it on neflix and they sat down and just really got into it and it wierded me out because my parents have such a different senses of humor.

  5. If you ever want to feel even more lost, just remember that the horse is just as confused as you are.

  6. i love that he made everything into an analogy except for "well if there's a horse in the hospital, i'm gonna say the n-word on tv!"

  7. "AHHH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU'D SAY YOU DUMB FUCKING HORSE!!!" 2:19 this is exactly how I feel everytime I watch the news.

  8. Pffft. This is stupid. There's literally no way a horse could tweet anything. His hooves are way too big. He would just crush the phone.

  9. There's so many things John Mulaney does so well, and I'm not surprised at all he's as popular and well-liked as he is. But one thing that just dawned on me, I think there's something kind of nostalgic about his voice. Like from the 1920s. Auctioneers, radio announcers talking about the zeppelin races, that "accent" in our minds. He sounds like he is occasionally possessed by a charmingly old-fashioned manner of speaking, while he is talking about very current things, and he bridges the gap of what's upsetting about today by speaking about it like a broadcaster talking about the Adventures of the Green Hornet. It's perfect.

  10. Yes, Netflix is a joke. I promise you by 2025 they will be either bankrupt or at the bottom of the list of streaming services

  11. I wonder if he actually believes this or he just made a bit to sell to the idiots who do. He seems smart, so I'll have to assume the later

  12. I normally hate when comedians bring politics into their set as that's what I'm trying to escape. Yet he has managed to do it in such a way as to talk about it without being political and still being funny, bravo sir you brilliant bastard, bravo.

  13. And all the staff from the hospital keep getting arrested or fired for what the horse does, and a huge bunch of patients are suffering because of the horse, and the horse doesn't allow any new patients in he doesn't like, but no one tries to stop the actual horse.

  14. Gosh everything about this bit is great, great comedy and political… satire? I dunno, but it's a thousand times better than every trump man bad joke and actually hilarious. Well done

  15. This joke is so fucking clever, nobody needs any explaining, everybody knows who he's talking about without John mentioning his name even once

  16. Every single line in this is quotable as fuck. For anybody who's been watching Mulaney through the years, he's always been SO funny, but the thing that's grown so much, and is very apparent here, is his development in his movement and his facial expressions. Watch his earlier specials, then watch this bit, and you'll see how well he's adapted his physicality and expressions to accentuate these bits. One of the best comedians of all time.

  17. Every single line in this is quotable as fuck. For anybody who's been watching Mulaney through the years, he's always been SO funny, but the thing that's grown so much, and is very apparent here, is his development in his movement and his facial expressions. Watch his earlier specials, then watch this bit, and you'll see how well he's adapted his physicality and expressions to accentuate these bits. One of the best comedians of all time.

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