THIS DECIDES EVERYTHING | Japan World Cup #3
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THIS DECIDES EVERYTHING | Japan World Cup #3

August 31, 2019


*trumpets* WELCOME ONE AND ALL! WELCOME BACK TO THE JAPAN WORLD CUP! We’ re here today for the final! The forty forth, hundred and seventy sixth THOUSANDTH Annual JAPAN WORLD CUP! We’ve had a great round, the last two times. We brought out all the kids! We pulled out all the stops! We’ve had some winners, We’ve had some losers, but they’re all winners in our hearts! THEY WILL NEVER BE LOSERS when it comes to the Japan world cup! Except for the soap box derby racers! ‘Cuz those guys are fuckin stupid. BRING ON THE CONTESTANTS! Welcome back! Welcome back, we’ll take a moment here, for the national anthem, of the Japan World Cup! *music and some talking I don’t understand because I don’t speak Japanese* *Jack cries>-:( I wanna see the fuckin ninja win *SO BAD!* I wanna see what stops he’s gonna pull out. Is he gonna fuckin throw shurikens?! SMOKEBOMB!! He copied Sideswipe!! He knows what he’s doing.Camoflage is your BEST ally. Sideswipe suddenly pulling back because it thinks its already winning. Now he’s coming out as the tandem twins *from America* No idea where he got his kage bunshin no jutsu He’s pulling out the head-banging HEAVY METAL giraffe from last time. He’s pulling out all the stops. All the fan fravorites. ALL THE WINNERS! Can he do it? *Hopefully* :*( And he wins as soapbox derby racer. *Spoke too soon, Jack* Ohh!! And he fucks it up! Ohh! You should’ve known *AWESOME EXPLOSION!!* Hubris, pride is your own worst enemy. You should have known copying the biggest fucking idiots in the race was a bad idea. Bad luck, there, ninja man! Ninja sniper, out of the race. Oh, it’s just like when they canch – cancelled Futurama all over again. OH, I’M SAD!! What the fuck?! Ninja sniper, whatya doing? You can’t be a kite! Jesus Christ, oh here we go! Here we go. Look at them jerk that… horse shaft… and they’re gone. *So long!* Into fuckin… OMG! Broken into bits! What is happening? Where did he come out of? Who is that? Oh, and they’re back They’re back… THE TROJAN HORSE! He was a fucking elephant in disguise all along! *I knew it!* Forget about snake in the grass Forget about all the euphanisms, all the analogies, all the fuckin terms you’ve heard before. The new one’s gonna be elephant inside a Trojan Horse!! that’s what it’s gonna be, that’s how you win a race that’s what it takes cheating the final race! who’s gonna take it out who’s gonna be the hero that we deserve for this race who’s gonna win the final is it sideswipe? pompadorefadore burlesque beauty really need to start stroking the shaft of that horse soon or it’s all over THERE they go can they pump up in time? the elephant is out the elephant in the room says get the fuck out of our race OH IT’S SIDESWIPE HE COMES BACK ONCE AGAIN FOR A VICTORY how did he do that?! 2 races in a row but hold on a second OH OH UPSET UPSET THE OFFICIALS WILL THAT STAND I’m hearing it will the fucking ninja pulled it out of the bag at the end blindsiding all of us we didn’t see it at all but hold on a second it’s not over yet there was one race left the 2 soap box derby racers are pulling it back that’s it work those shafts MELT YOUR OPPONENTS BURN THEM ALL fucking pump it up is it gonna work he grew more legs! he has 4 people inside now holy shit! they merged together!! OH the soap box derby racer has not been the winner today the winner in all of our hearts has been mega godzilla him and the ninja they really pulled it out of the bag this time I did not expect anything consider my mind over there now because it’s been blown from here what a fucking day out what a day out for the family look at those sexy men go dancing around we got a fuckin show we got several shows we got some singing we got some nakedness we got some creepy babies staring at us in the face we got some secrets, some mystery we got some twists and turns in all the emotions for a fantastic Japan World Cup fuckin row row row your boat gently down the stream of feels that’s all we can feel this time in the japan world cup hope you all had fun here today hope you all had fun here at the final the last Japan World Cup, it’s over the true winners are you guys you guys are the ones that got a show they were out here to entertain us the best they could and by jesus they did it this has been your judge, your coach, your commentator and your race announcer jackdiddlysquatsepticeye I hope That you remember this for years to come Cause I certainly will Mainly cuz I won a lot of money on the first race So, see ya later, I’m just gonna go and live in peace It in the Bahamas With a house beside the ocean With my own boat, and dog I might invite all these guys over, for a party Get fucked up You know, really just- just go crazy Get a load of drink We just- Just ch- go run fuckin’ loose Go nuts Where you just fu- THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR WATCH THIS EPISODE IF YOU LIKED IT PUNCH THAT LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE LIKE A BOSS AND high fives all round *wap-sh**wap-sh* BUT THANKS YOU GUYS AND I WILL SEE ALL YOU DUDES… IN THE NEXT VIDEO! Outro Song by “Teknoaxe” called “I’m everywhere” We’ve come long way You and I (wait for it) Let’s go get some ice cream

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  1. Judge: 1-4 is normal… umm is that a fucking seal? Hold on. Fake horses? Oh god I shouldn't have ate those shrooms.

  2. jack please play more japan world cup its the best game ever because you are the announcer and also WHO GAVE YOU A MEGAPHONE you are as loud as you can get already love you JACKIPOO

  3. #2 is "Super Pheromone".

    #5 is "Sea World".

    #6 the Trojan Horse is "Troyan Horse" because… you know… the Trojan Horse was used in Troy.

    #7 called UMA in English letters is basically the romaji for "Horse" in Japanese or if people want an acronym, maybe it's the Unidentified Majestic Animal, just my wild guessing.

    #8 is of course "Haribote Elegy 3.0" this time.

    #9 nicknamed Mechagodzilla is "Mechanical Horizontal".

  4. Does anybody else notice how much Jack misses when he looks away from the race/ how he reacts to it when heโ€™s editing?

  5. 1. Ginshari Boy
    2. Super Pheromone
    3. Chokusen Bancho
    4. Ninja Sniper (he actually got that one right, because the announcer says it clearly)
    5. Seafredo (with jockey Karekin Jr.)
    6. Trojan Horse (literally)
    7. Uma (in Japanese, literally means "horse" – so it's a Sasquatch named Horse)
    8. Haribote Elegy 3.0
    9. Mecha Haribote

  6. It would be the only logical thing to put this on the radio without context and tell your grandpa its the latest sports network
    THE NINJA TAKES THE LEAD DISGUISED AS SIDESWIPE!!!!!!!!

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