August 23, 2019

What the f- Move, Momo. I’m not in the mood. I didn’t want to have to make this video. Okay. I’m just minding my own business on YouTube… [chuckling] [Obnoxious music] [cory gets infuriated] What the freak is thi- Let me watch a little Vsauce. Michael here. It doesn’t who I watch, what I watch or when I watch it. Tik Tok will make itself known. With the sergeants… Of these “so called” TIK TOK ads, You know, I heard a little bit at first, you know. “I got a Tik Tok ad, what the freak.” Whoa, anybody getting a lot of Tic Tac ads recently? I said TIC TAC ads. (laughs). I thought it was just some isolated cases, you know. But then I start getting hit with ’em. I don’t need a 14-year-old twerking when I’m trying to watch Vsauce!! First, we had, and I’ve already proven I would have been the best [blue bird plays] I dropped my phone. I-I dropped my pho – But this Tik Tok, Its’s going to the next level. And I thought, since Tik Tok want to make itself known in my life, “I’mma just beat it to the punch.” We’re gonna do a WHOLE video on Tik Tok. Now before this video even starts, Listen, if you’re a Tik Tok user, I ain’t calling you, cringe. I mean, first of all, let’s not act like I’ve never done anything cringe. *Look at the top of his head!* lady shows HUGE baldspot laughing why the music come all hard like [amplified Windows XP shutting down] [over music] Somebody please. End my suffering. Where are your parents? Where…are your parents? Parents, this is why kids don’t need iPhones. I remember, I was growing up. The first iPhone came out. I wanted one so freaking bad like, “Mom, it plays music, too!” Remember how revolutionary that was? You know what my mom got me? I still got it. Hold on a second. [BRUH] Look at this! [BIG FELLA] You see this? You freaking see this?! A Boost Mobile. [Man screaming] This thing couldn’t play music! I couldn’t play Tap Tap Revenge with this! But most importantly, I wasn’t able to make or Tik Tok videos with it. Now, those things weren’t out yet, but you get my point. Plus, you know when I was on the phone with somebody and I got mad? (example) “‘Tchu’ you mean you ain’t coming over, girl? I bought the popcorn! Oh, okay.” (slams phone shut) (another example) “Oh, so your mom said you can’t come to the movies tonight? Yeah, hold up–” Even though you said in the second period that we were gonna go see Saw tonight.” Nah (x3), don’t even worry about–“. You can’t do that with iPhones. Now, she goes by “Twerk Queen”. Tell me this girl ain’t fourteen. “Twerk Queen”… I respect ya hustle, Get ya followers, girl! All I’m saying is, let me catch my daughter doing something like this. She– (starts laughing) [through laughter] She gon’ be in her room. [Cory laughing] She gon’ be like, [laughter] Twerk. Twerk. Twerk. (laughs) The door gon’ open.(laughs) What the freak are– Daddy… I was– (slapping over music) ~I gotta hit that street, you gotta watch it…~ Freakin’ get her in a headlock like this. “Oh, so you want to make videos, huh?” I mean if you’re freaking 18 and older and you want to twerk on apps, fine. This… Tik Tok, can we, like, not promote the 12 year olds? Whoa! Whoa there, Nelly. (wheezing laughter) [Cory laughing] Tik Tok, look what you’re doing to our children. My man at the bus stop, clearly, uncomfortable making this video. Clearly! But he feels pressured. He knows that if he doesn’t do the Tik Tok videos, he’s gonna get ridiculed in class. So he’s getting his daily Tik Tok– Daily dose of Tik Tok-ing at the bus stop this morning, looking around making sure… Put that tongue away, young fellow. Put it away. Nah, this man got a full beard. This man got a whole beard. Ain’t no excuses for you. I don’t want to see no cringe from you, sir. I don’t want to see it. You know what, I’mma let that one slide.That was funny. cory turns emo You know, For… there’s some that I’m like, “You know, okay, whatever.” It’s like if somebody want to get up there and, like, just voiceover some, that’s cool. If we could just, categorize the Tik Tok cringe. At the top, it will be like… the twelve-year-old twerking, and then we got the ones where it’s like, they pretendin’ to be ugly, they’d be like, “Uugh my skin is so.. ugh acne.” Then they do a little reveal, you know, and they be like, (breathing) (*whispering seductively* ughhh, ohhh yeahh I’m so freakin’ hot now. that I wiped this lotion off my face.) Then we got the ones where, like, they’re doing the memes, and, those aren’t bad. And then I feel like the ones at the bottom where they’re literally just singing and they’re not doing nothin’ extra. Okay, maybe they just want to voiceover somethin’. That’s cool! But why the only ads that I get personally, got me on the freakin FBI– FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!! *loud explosions, gunshots* (while tapping) Yeah, I’m trans, I figured. Yeah, you call me a girl, well I’m triggered Takin’ note, ’cause I’m a-glow… I got a thousand fans and no you don’t. CORY: I actually have over three mil- She don’t even know the words!! Watch her mouth. [Cory is just dumbfounded at this point] If you’re gonna have a song playing, SING THE SONG! SING IT! At least SING! Don’t let the song play while you just- No….. This is somebody’s entire grandma, on Tik Tok. *wheezing, gagging* I have ordained that if you make a Tik Tok account, You need to follow the Tik Tok Commandments. The first Tik Tok Commandment: If you are 12, do not upload a Tik Tok video of you twerking. This goes from 12… If you live with your parents, you’re not allowed. The second Tik Tok Commandment: Thou shalt not, upload, a voiceover when thou does not know the words. YOU downloaded that song, YOU knew that YOU’RE about to try and voice over it. And you knew you didn’t know the words. Thy third Tik Tok Commandment: If you’re over the age of 50, we’re not saying you cannot have a Tik Tok account. But grandma, we’re gonna need some wholesome content from you. Because this… だめ (dame) in Japanese means wrong. I believe. So, he was like going through these outfits and they was like “dame!” wrong. Okay, so we changing into something else? Okay. I’m just trying to understand. You know, I’m trying to get behind the science of– Guys, I think I just… I came… I’ve done what I came here to do. These Tik Tok ads are out of control. Why am I getting hit with Twik– Why am I getting hit with Twix? Is that what you’re trying to say? You earned this one right on the desk. *What the freak is on yo forehead!?* Why am I getting hit with Tik Tok ads with a 14 year old twerking? I didn’t ask for that. No one is asking for that. Follow thy Tik Tok Commandments. If not, *Wipe that stuff off yo forehead!* you’ll find yourself in a Tik Tok cringe compilation. I’m just trying to help you and to everybody else out there, That’s just like me. That’s just trying to watch a little YouTube before bed. Then you see this… Well, there’s only one thing left to say.. “Ladies and gentleman… We got him.” *MUSIC* Cory’s voice: ‘Cause my name is Coryxkenshin, you know what I am saying? Hehe… *CREDITS TO CAPTION AUTHORS IN THE DESCRIPTION BELOW*

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